owlphanumeric

he'll hate me for this when he's older

2011-12-13T09:52:00.001-08:00

milo is almost 6 months old and it's getting FUN! The babbling and rolling around and hugging and trying out kisses etc. It's all so good. And when he's sleeping I'm working on my novel and laughing at the weird stuff jonas and simon say and do. Roel is in amsterdam/chicago/new york etc. etc. most of the time, but when he's home we're driving everywhere dreaming of good places to be and amazing things to build in lonely forests. Outside its cold and misty and inspiring. Inside, the fire's on - literally and figuratively.

Raw Milk and Baby Kissing

2011-11-14T13:28:00.000-08:00

Fall is settling in here, or should I say Winter. It's nearing 40F outside and the snow level is lowering). It is lovely and we are enjoying it.

There have been some positive dietary changes in the Uleners house. We're really embracing a food renegade diet - all REAL foods, whole foods including raw milk. We spent a really awesome saturday in Sandy, Oregon at Pokrov farms learning about raw milk, drinking raw milk and snuggling adorable jersey cows. It was such a beautiful, inspiring day. The kids loved meeting the sweet cows who are giving us this yummy, buttery milk. Roel and I were inspired land-wise. We know that buying a large piece of wooded farmland is in our future, and we are positively giddy as we continue to find beautiful possibilities. We love the idea of our boys having tons of space to run around, and earth to grow lots of food and have some animals.

And speaking of those little darlings, I swear they get more and more precious by the day. Or maybe I'm just getting older and I'm appreciating them more, I don't know.

Our youngest, sweet baby Milo is almost 5 months old already. It's really hard to believe. He's making a lot of adorable word-sounds and rolling over. Mostly he just spends his days being kissed and squeezed by me; I can't seem to do anything else.

Life is boring, it seems, since I've got nothing more to report than milk drinking and baby-kissing...but in all honesty, I wouldn't want it any other way.

oldest and youngest

2011-10-03T14:39:00.001-07:00

three kids = bliss

2011-09-20T17:24:00.000-07:00

Three kids also = no time to blog. Yep, there's a lot less time, but I am having so much fun and I feel so lucky to be mom to these three boys. I can hardly believe that Milo is already nearly three months old! Simon is a smart and silly nine, and Jonas is a sweet and serious 11.

Roel is gone a lot on business these days. He's zipping back and forth all over this continent and others. Luckily, my mom was able to come and babysit me for a few weeks. I dont know what I'd have done without her.

I'm also so blessed to have made such AMAZING friends here in Portland. Fall is coming and lufe is beautiful!

the cake is a lie

2011-08-09T17:32:00.000-07:00

here is some awesome graffitti i encountered while crossing a footbridge in the forest near my house in portland, oregon.

there are no words

2011-07-28T18:55:00.000-07:00

book-reading/book-writing/growing things

2011-07-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

Oh. And the music - but lately I've had to squeeze that in in the form of lullabyes and stuff. I have, however, been able to maintain my read-lust and gardening frenzy. Okay, so the in ground garden has gotten a little out of control. Actually, there's nothing I find lovelier than an out of control garden. In control, and AMAZING are my topsy's! Holy cow, but they are HUGE. I've got lots of tiny tomatoes growing bigger, and loads of squash and zukes on the things. They look positively prehistoric. My pitcher plant looks scary and gorgeous, and my creeping charlie is TOUCHING. THE. GROUND.

On the book front, I finished Maggie Stiefvater's series. I love this series, but I've got to admit being a bit put off by the ending. In better reads, I began Random Rigg's book, 'Miss Perrigrines Home for Peculiar Children' and so far it's incredible.

Also, after a baby-having hiatus from writing my book I became obsessed with the idea of a completely different story - so I guess book one is on hold until I work through idea #2. It's amazing how really emotional things (like giving birth and falling in love with your baby) can set off a whirlwind of mental creativity. I am a woman possessed...possessed and typing with one hand so I can hold/nurse Milo with my free arm. yeah!

It's so fantastic to be a mother, wife, sister and friend. It's also so wonderful to maintain who I am despite my other roles. That feels a lot like success.

milo is awake sometimes and other (non)adventures

2011-07-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

There's this funny thing that happens when your baby is too good. Like, when he sleeps maybe too much. Or when he never cries. You think, man, I hope it's okay that my baby is perfect and never does anything even remotely frustrating; I hope this is okay. Fortunately, milo stayed awake long enough for my mother to snap this photo of him. He really is cute awake. He has big blue eyes that are, (YAY!), exactly like mine. It's nice to see your eyes reflected back at you when you look at your babe.

Did I mention his chins? And how chintastic they are?

In between staring at milo, which has taken up almost every second of my life this past almost three weeks, I've managed to read a novel and watch a few episodes of the Cosby show. Sweet.

milo jozef

2011-06-30T16:16:00.000-07:00

finally, our lovely boy was born on june 25th - 10 days late! i delivered him myself - into water - at the andaluz waterbirth center. he was born inside his bag of waters. my midwives and sweet husband just stood beside the tub and whisper-cheered me on while i did my work. it was a dream birth.

milo weighed 9lbs 9.5ozs and was 21 3\4 in. long. he is big and wonderful. i'm so in love with him it's ridiculous.

the garden is producing, my belly is not...

2011-06-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

and i'm so happy about it. my patient baby boy is staying in past his due date so that i can enjoy the festivities of jonas' last week of elementary school, read swedish zombie novels, watch dexter, go to the beach, and SLEEP!

oh, and observe my amazing topsys grow! they are so much fun! the tomatoes and zukes are so happy and voluptuous. the in-ground garden is lovely as well - the kids are really enjoying eating the sugar peas right off the tee-pee.

these are wonderful, quiet days.

brothers love each other

2011-06-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

We have a mantra in our house, "brothers love each other." They really do.

38 weeks and waddling

2011-05-31T14:44:00.000-07:00

I've hit it - the official "I look like an Orca" phase of the pregnancy. I thought maybe it wouldn't happen this time, that it was possible I'd just end the pregnancy thin. Yeah, no such luck. And also my face is completely enormous. And also my pelvis feels like it's going to crack in half every time I move my body. This is lovely.

But. Okay, it's like the law of equivalent exchange in alchemy (which I only know about from watching Fullmetal Alchemist with the kids) - I can't complain without saying something positive. I'm not retaining water so my ankles at least are still slim. And this Thursday my midwife is painting my belly with watercolors to show where baby/placenta/bobbledygook is located. Should be cute and fun.

But did I mention my pelvis? And how it feels like its splitting in half?

36 weeks + and some other topics

2011-05-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

It's always a really huge relief to hit this point in a pregnancy because you don't have to worry about having a preemie anymore. Instead, you get to waddle around and try to swat all the little pain-fears out of your head. Yep, it's coming...at some point. And yep, it's going to hurt a little. Actually, one of my favorite quotes from a story in Spiritual Midwifery is by a mom who, having been asked by her son if labor was going to hurt she answered, "It's not going to hurt, It's going to feel STRONG." I totally get that. I've done it twice before (with none of those nasty pain drugs), and my mind has always gone to the rapturous, natural force that takes you over during labor. If you think "pain pain pain" it really is "Pain Pain PAIN." But if you think STRONG, you feel strong, and in control. So that's where I'm at right now. Thinking strong thoughts, and in control thoughts, and I AM SAFE thoughts. I truly am safe. I feel great.

For now, baby M. keeps his butt and feet jammed in my ribcage and moves incessantly. Also, he hiccups almost constantly. I adore him already.

These days I'm watching a lot of "Fruits Basket" with Jonas and Simon. I'm so in love with this show. Simon had been reading the books, but he was a little perplexed by the story. Luckily, the anime version was streaming on Netflix, so we're slowly working our way through, episode by episode. It's wonderful.

I'm also reading a FANTASTIC book by Isaac Marion, "Warm Bodies." I highly recommend it. It's prosaic and haunting and weird.

Jonas is reading the Hunger Games, and so far he's really enjoying it. It's nice to be able to talk Lit with him; his feelings about certain aspects of the story are so different from mine and I really appreciate that. I'm so amazed by Jonas. As an artist, he blows my mind. His drawing skills are so amazing - so mechanical and detailed. He's become quite skilled with him Manga and I'm proud of him.

Simon insists on sleeping in underwear and one sock on his left foot. He wears a golf hat and a flannel shirt every day and he's obsessed with nyan cat. Cats in general. He's hilarious, and smart...and quite sarcastic. I'm trying to keep his sarcasm under control. Oh, and he loves the ladies. I've got my hands full with this one.

It never ceases to amaze me how kids develop their own tastes and interests - so completely different from ours as parents. And in my personal case, their tastes and interests have really rubbed off on me and become my own. Both of the boys are really interested in Japanese culture - a culture I never really learned much about. They both dream and talk together about visiting Japan. They're interested in eating Sushi now (YAY!) and both of them begin taking Kendo classes in June. Also, both of them would like to learn Japanese...which amazed me because WOW, that's complex! And now I'm dreaming about visiting Japan, too.

I love my boys. I'm so glad I'm having another one. I see so clearly now how three boys were really my "destiny." It feels perfect.

And the garden...wow, is it growing! My topsey turvey trees are growing remarkably well. Turns out the infomercial didn't lie! And my in-ground garden is sprouting nicely, too. I've got tons and tons of blossoming beauty all over my yard, and vases of cut violets on the piano. I love spring. On the housing front, I've decided to Feng Shui the house. I'm having a good time with it! It's really fun, and also really settles my nesting instincts, you know, the ones that have completely taken me over. We'll rent here for one more year, and then we'll buy here in the 'hood. We love our 'hood. I love living on a mountain top; it feels very safe. And I love living in Oregon. I love Portland.

And wow, that's about it I guess. It's a blissful time in my life - 34 years old, happily married, expecting a baby, living somewhere I love, growing things, reading books and enjoying my family. I feel lucky; I am lucky.

...and in gardening news...

2011-05-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

For my birthday this year, my dear husband bought me two of these radical topsy turvy tomato trees. Yep, I saw the infomercial. I had to have it.

I have no idea if they will work or not, but the infomercial said it was amazingly easy and no fail...so...we'll see. In one, I planted three varieties of tomato, and in the other I planted zukes, basil and crookie squash. It's going to be really interesting to see how they progress.

In other garden news, our little in-the-ground garden is sprouting nicely and our pea-pea-tee-pee is looking happy as the little peas curve their way up. As soon as its more impressive, i'll take some shots to share.

gotta get this garden growing before M. makes his appearance. Which, by now, is in the next few weeks.

M.T. Anderson's "Feed"

2011-04-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd share this; it's the best thing i've read lately and believe me - that's saying a lot! I've spent every spare moment of the last several months reading feverishly. I'm averaging a book every 24 hours or so. I know, it sounds crazy but reading is my favorite thing to do, and I want to get as much of it in as I can before M. comes.

So, basically, this book is a must must MUST read. It's sattire. It's a cautionary tale of sorts and the way its written is brilliant.

32 weeks

2011-04-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

live from beautiful Indian Beach, Ecola State Park (in cannon beach, OR)

random and possibly (probably) pretty darn boring to read

2011-04-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

Here are lots of crazy, unrelated blahing.

1. I think it's really disgusting how many strange people from all sorts of places all over the world came to look at my "holy naked baby" blog post. What disturbs me the most is why a bunch of strangers would want to come and see said post. So, I changed the title. People can be so amazing, but some of them can also be so disgusting. I do love seeing who have been visiting my blog, as I usually know most of them. But after all of this holy naked baby nonsense, I'm tempted to take the little ticker that shows me whose been here down because eww! Pervs, get your heads out of the gutter and find god or something. srsly.

2. I'm feeling good, at least I was feeling really marvelous until I decided it would be a great idea to let my two young sons throw a party where they invited several other young boys over to the house for more than SIX HOURS. At the end of this day, I experienced a brand of exhaustion I never want to revisit. And also pains and aches in places I would rather die than discuss.

3. I must be crazy, but GOOD crazy because a week or so ago my darling husband took me to Mother Nature's and bought me the super fancy this-is-all-you'll-ever-need super package of cloth diapers, cloth diaper clovers and supplies. So, I'm officially going to try and be a cloth diaper mama.

Pros: I actually enjoy diaper changing which is good because I will be changing A LOT of diapers. Cloth diapers need to be changed more than those nasty chlorine filled disposable kind. They are better for the earth! And, hello, money saving!

Cons: I have to wash them. okay..."con." Singular.

4. And lots of other stuff that would probably be boring for you to read. Roel is in Chicago on a business trip (boooo!). I broke my front tooth yesterday (hisss!). I have read my weight in books this month (YAY!). My belly looks like a missile (umm...). My sister and brother in law are coming to Portland on Wednesday and will be here for my birthday (Hooray!) I am very hungry most of the time. Like right now.

The April Garden

2011-04-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

Despite the chilly (rainy) spring weather, we decided to get our little potager garden underway. It might have been better to start our little garden next month when the sun is more...present...but I sort of felt urged to get things started since I won't have as much time or energy in the weeks to come when I'm cooing at a baby around the clock.

We are lucky to have a "blank space" at the back of our yard - a perfect, sunny spot to grow food and flowers. Also, Roel made this 'bean-tee-pee' under which we planted pole beans and morning glories. I have visions of a beautiful viny overgorwth the kids can hide from the heat in. I sort of let Simon have his way of where he wanted things planted (Jonas went MIA somewhere near the beginning of the project).

So there is corn, squash, watermelon, green onions, sunflowers, arugula, lettuce, calendula, cucumbers chamomile, basil, dill and fennel planted in no particular order over the 8' x 4' patch. The tomatoes will go into the topsy-turvey I begged for as a birthday gift. I have high hopes for this little garden. I also have hope that the sun will peak out enough this month to coax the tiny starts from their hibernation. We'll see!

holy (not) naked baby (get lost pervs! there are no actual naked babies here for you to see. gah!)

2011-03-31T10:05:00.001-07:00

it just dawned on me that this baby is going to be born in the next 6-10 weeks and I don't even have a diaper for him. I don't have a diaper, a t-shirt, a towel or washcloth. I don't have a bassinet or a changing table. I don't have...ANYTHING FOR THIS CHILD! How on earth did this happen? How did I get here so quickly and WHY did I not plan a baby shower so I could be more prepared?! I just hope he doesn't come early or I'm in big trouble.

So. I guess it's time to get to to the mother nature's for cloth diapers - this place is amazing! I bought my moby wrap there and the ladies were so helpful in showing me how to tie the thing. http://www.mothernaturesbabystore.com/ And to, I guess Target for some onesies or something or M. will be diaperless and naked. And we just can't have that.

two blankets

2011-03-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

Just thought i'd show off two nice blankets I just finished knitting. pretty blue squares for baby M. and grassy green with orange triangle for Simon. This hobby just gets more and more rewarding. Plus, I really love the idea of my boys wrapped up in something that has love and prayers in every stitch.

phases

2011-03-27T17:58:00.001-07:00

being a parent is so hard. but, honestly - being a kid is so much harder. i look at jonas as he is about to turn eleven years old, and he is at this stage where he doesn't really know who he is, but he knows what he likes. he knows what he's interested in. right now he's really "intrigued" by this certain book series that he's reading. and in this book series there are kids who wear these outlandish outfits which are slightly gothic. and did i mention it's japanese? so, yes - jonas wants to look like he just stepped out of some radtasatic japanimation. bless him.

the thing is, the kid is so gorgeous, and when he tries to look "gothic japanese cartoon" he sort of looks like a "crossdresser". as a parent it's super hard to know what to do. at his age i want him to feel free to express himself, but i've got to admit that it does sort of frighten me because i don't want other people to make assumptions about him based on this self expression. at the end of the day this is a perfectly amazing kid. an artistic, intuitive, loving child who is kind and obedient and respectful. so if he wants to rock some strange hairdos and a little guy liner once in a while, i guess i'll give him the wings.

i mean, my parents let me go through my grunge phase and my filthy hippie phase without too many complaints and i turned out okay. sort of ;)

the third trimester (ALREADY?!)

2011-03-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

Today marks the first day of my third trimester. wow. I can't believe I'm here already. I wish I could slow it down, and at the same time I'm so excited to see baby M.'s sweet face. I am savoring every single moment of it, especially since it's my last pregnancy. I'm also enjoying how totally different this pregnancy is from my other two.

I'm considerably smaller this time. When I was pregnant with Jonas and Simon, I was pregnant from head to toe. This time I'm only pregnant in the belly and it's all up front like I've got a ball under my shirt. On top of that, I'm measuring a bit small - which I'm trying not to be too concerned about. This time I'm a lot more tired and sleeping a lot worse, too. I think it has to do with how M. is laying, and turning over at night is a chore. Also, the cravings are so different. This time food, especially desserts taste so wonderful. I have eaten almost every dessert I could find all over Portland...so far. There are plenty more desserts to try!

These days, M. just moves and rolls and kicks and I just love every move and roll and kick. I spend alot of time squeezing his feet when I can find them (and when they aren't shoved up under my ribcage). I'm enjoying how he reacts to his brothers' voices, and Roel's. It's just a wonderful time in my life and I'm treasuring it. I'm also ridiculously grateful to my midwives, Dana and Adele. They are so great and supportive and I can't wait to jump into that tub!

Only what seems like a handfull of weeks to go...

i love where i live

2011-03-05T09:27:00.001-08:00

and I must say, it's a new thing for me.

After spending 15 monotonous years in the armpit of California, my parents made the huge mistake of sending me to Europe without them. This, of course, ruined me because before that I never really saw how armpitty the armpit I was living in was. So I came back completely ruined and impassioned and unblinded. So, yeah, you can't blame me for thinking moving to Europe a few years ago was the key to my happiness.

I mean, it wasn't bad living there. I love Antwerp, I really do. I love Belgium. It's a good thing, too because I'm sentenced to a lifetime of having to be there on a regular basis. This is a good thing. But I've got to say that while I was living there I just wasn't vibing on it. I wasn't tuned in to the Belgian channel of life. I was tuned into Radio Minerva, but that's another story.

But living here in Portland, it's like something has clicked. I feel good, invigorated, inspired. I feel like ME. And it isn't just the forest and the ferns and the moss and the fog. It isn't just the incredibly clean air I'm breathing up here on my mountain. It's the good local, organic food. It's how amazing friendly everyone is. It's how easy it is to find all of the hard-to-find things are. My music is better, my writing is better. The quality of my life is just...better.

I love it here. It feels so good to love where I live. Finally.

stella (bella)

2011-02-22T12:11:00.001-08:00

The things you do for love! We drove all the way to Visalia on Friday, which took 15 hours (because of nasty weather and Sacramento traffic) just to pick up our cat, Stella. I have to admit, after not living with her for two and a half years, I had some reservations about displacing her, but after some urging from the kids and positive encouragement from friends (thanks ru & e.) we decided it was best she was back with her family.

Stella (who we also call Bella) was born on Roel's fleece about 5 years ago. Her mother was Honeysuckle Milkshakes - a sweet, orange tiger who disappeared one day and never returned. the entire litter of kittens were just about the best kittens ever, and Stella is no exception. We are so glad we made the ridiculously long trip there and back to bring her home to Portland.

Now our family is almost (just a few months to go!) complete. And now I'm not the only female in the house ;-)

oh boy!

2011-02-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

This morning roel and I found out we are having our third son. another son!

We laughed through the entire sonogram. As she glided the wand down over my belly it was CLEAR he was all man. It was as though he spread his legs and screamed, "STOP CALLING ME A GIRL!" In profile he looks quite a bit like Jonas, but we also got a good view of his lips, and baby those are Simon's! This little fellow looks to be a good combo of both his brothers.

I don't know how said brothers will take this news today... I hope they find joy in it, though yesterday Simon did say, "But if it's a boy then why did we do all this work?!"

Roel and I are really happy with this news. Boys - I know what to do with boys! Now comes the hard part - naming him. The hard part and the super fun part! Please submit your ideas.

mom-braggery

2011-01-28T14:37:00.000-08:00

so, i've got this ten year old boy named jonas. he is my first-born son and he's pretty amazing. i was barely more than a child when i gave birth to him, and i sort of feel like we're raising each other - which is only a tiny part of why i'm very grateful to him for choosing me to be his mom. anyway, jonas is really super sensitive, really super kind and REALLY SUPER ARTISTIC. this kid has a gift with the pencil and paper, if you know what i mean. he loves manga, dragons and his hair a very particular way - long in the front and swept to the side. he doesn't like aliens and/or UFO's, and when he was a baby he liked to tell roel and i about the angel-orbs that flew above his bed at night. that's my boy!

today, one of jonas' v-town friends emailed him the december newsletter from his previous school in which a little girl wrote a very cool article about my radical son. scroll all the way to the bottom...

http://www.vusd.org/files/23216/student%20newsletter%20december2010.pdf

Andaluz Waterbirth Center

2011-01-15T08:35:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to quickly share the amazing place where I'll be giving birth. I'm so happy to have found this wonderful (loving and caring) group of midwives and this fantastic waterbirth center. What a completely different experience to the one I had with my other midwife in california! Makes me rethink the definition of 'midwife.'

http://www.waterbirth.net/

the malm bed

2011-01-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

i sort of feel like no matter what i do, i can't escape the malm bed.

i was really happy about buying our first one. it was gawdidontknowhowmanyyearsago when we were down at the ikea in burbank with the duttons buying malm beds. which was really fun, btw.

then when we moved to belgium we were at the ikea in antwerp buying the malm bed. again.

and i'll be darned if we weren't at the portland ikea yesterday buying the malm bed. AGAIN.

oh but what a comfy bed it is, even if i always run into the corner and cut my leg on the thing.

the eagle has landed. and the owl.

2011-01-06T15:27:00.000-08:00

we. are. here.

I can hardly believe it myself, and I wouldn't if I weren't so tired. But we made it and I am so happy. Our neighborhood is gorgeous - feels like a camp retreat. Our house is small and cozy. The kids' school is tiny and awesome. And we are here.

In Portland, Oregon, that is.

And that's really all the news there is right now. The belly is still very tiny but trying to grow. At nearly 17 weeks I'm still wearing my regular clothes and I still haven't felt the nudger nudge. I'm trying not to be alarmed by it because all babies are different and this baby seems to be a mystery in every way. It stays quiet and towards my back; it's a gentle little bird. But, yeah. I wish it would knock a bit harder so I could feel.

And other than that I'm getting ready to dive into my writing again. And reading. Oh, by the way, have you read 'Water for Elephants'? Gosh, what a delicious book.

potpourri (which i'm pretty sure means 'putrid pot' in french)

2010-12-15T08:43:00.000-08:00

Gosh, there is a lot going on. I thought I'd mash it all up in this post in an attempt to consolidate the bloggering. I'm not a very good consolidator: be warned.

So, yeah, lets get this out of the way first - because there is nothing more annoying than girls who go on and on about their being knocked up. I am still prego. Going into that heavenly non-vomity second trimester. Hallelujah. My belly is getting that nice right out in front roundness that doesn't quite say "pregnant", but also doesn't say "fat." It kind of says, "I've had a few too many" or "I need to cut down on my gummy bear consumption."

I met a goal. I mean, one of those BIG LIFE GOALS. In Broken English, the band of glorious musics I am honoured to have been part of since its conception has successfully produced its second album. The thing that makes this more important is the fact the we are signed by a rad record label and have marketing peeps and it's all super legit. and amazing. I received two advance copies of the beautiful CD - I mean, I've got to give it to Yannick - the cover art is gorgeous. It will be released for public sale in January. And that means royalties, baby.

My next goal is to finish my novel and publish that thing. Meeting goals feels awesome.

And thirdly, after much looking and...looking and. freaking. looking. Roel and I have found a home in Portland. Rather, Roel found us a lovely home in Portland. It is in northwest portland in a rad non-cookie-cutter tiny court. Tons and tons of forest, trees, and other foresty forestness - which is the thing that recharges my battery. Tons of yard for planting food in raised beds. We will be renting this house - something i'm really glad about actually, and living in Portland during the week, the Olympic Peninsula on the weekends. That's where Roel and I would really like to invest in buying - even if its just a funky sea-forest-side cabin. Anyway, I'm thrilled. Overjoyed. and I can't wait until the end of december to settle there with my boys and inflated belly.

Also, there is a blueberry-bush lined path from our house to the kid's school. Hello walking breakfast!

I hope this holiday season finds all of you well. I love you all. I mean, the ones of you I actually know. I honestly can't believe you read all the way to the end of these catastrophic ramblings. Then again, I'd read to the end of yours. When it comes to my people, I have a hard time abstaining from my overzealous adoration. But that's just who I am, and I adore you guys. I love my people.

Merry Christmas. and Kwanzaa. and Hanukkah. and....whatever my atheist people do this time of year. ;-)

about #3...and #4

2010-11-10T19:42:00.000-08:00

I haven't broken my news to very many people. I guess there's that part of you that knows anything might happen. And breaking bad news is always harder than breaking good news. Well, I've got both good news and...well, not entirely terrible news. But, yeah, sad news.

Good news first. I am pregnant. I am puking 24-7, hungry 24-7, exhausted 24-7 pregnant. 9 weeks pregnant to be exact.

Sad news? It was twins. I didn't know until today when I had my first sonogram. I guess it passed on about a week and a half ago, and I guess my body will reabsorb it...which sounds DISGUSTING!!! On the sonogram you could see the sack of waters and a small mass at the bottom of it. Very sad. But okay, too because I trust nature (even when I don't want to).

The happy news is, it's sister or brother is very happy and buoyant and has a great heartbeat and looks adorable - or as adorable as a little bulbous white mass on a black screen can look. It looked beautiful to me. I'm so unimaginably grateful for this little child, and I'm so thankful that he or she is surviving.

And I'm thankful for the tiny bit of time I had with #4. It's bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter.

a blog entry in which i complain about the other sort of dreams i have

2010-10-23T08:52:00.001-07:00

i saw that movie inception several months ago while roel and i were driving through oregon and washington. it was a really good movie, and i was kind of glad somebody touched on the subject of waking from one dream into another because this is something that happens to me all the time. minus leo being there which, lets face it, is a good thing.

cut to the point: my brother has been having some trouble with his girlfriend. i am slightly put off by said girlfriend because she is hurting my brother. i love my brother and do not tolerate him being hurt very well. so, last night i'm dreaming that the girlfriend is visiting me in some sort of apparition. she is wearing a crisp, white shirt which makes me like her even less. i ask her what she wants from my brother and she says, "I just want him to say yes." i ask her what that means but she just tells me he knows. and then she tells me about when she was younger and worked in a grocery store. m'kay.

so, i wake up from that dream into another dream where i'm screaming but my face is paralyzed so i can't scream. so, i go wandering the streets not-screaming but trying to scream. meanwhile, i'm conscious of the fact that i've woken into another dream and that, in that moment, i'm dreaming. and none of its real. gah.

and then i wake up in the morning and my nose and throat are all full of blood from the chemicals my mom likes to clean with (chemicals are BAD!). and i can't breathe and i wish that instead i had dreamt about unicorns and forests like i normally do. and even a headless yaffle would have made this dream better. or rather, dream in a dream in a dream. so overrated.

knitted womb

2010-10-08T17:00:00.001-07:00

This is a little gift I made for one of my friends who are pregnant. It's a 'knitted womb.' Newborns especially love these things because they feel swaddled, but because it's knitted with two strands of ultra-soft yarn, it gives and stretches like the lining of the uterus. I'm really looking forward to seeing how her little baby likes it, but I'll have to wait till December.

It's about 22 inches long and is very stretchy. I knitted it in the round using US size 13 needles (9mm). I'd be happy to share the pattern.

I've found that knitting is a lot like story-writing. It's this very evolutionary thing with a beginning middle and end. There is character development and side stories. And there is always a lesson to be learned.

quirks

2010-10-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was in the car belting out 'ding, dong merrily on high' when i realized that randomly singing christmas carols throughout the year is just something i do. i was at a gas station and gas was pumping (at an alarmingly fast rate i might add) into the gas tank while i was singing said christmas song when i began to wonder if i had other quirks or if this was the only one.

partial segue: i know all of the people i know have quirks. and i know the quirks of the people i know best. i love my people's quirks, and i love that i know them because it gives me the superior sense of having really known somebody. which makes me feel ultra special. which is dumb, i know.

anyway. gas was pumping while i decided to make a mental list of my other quirks - the ones i know about. yes, i realize this is egotistical, and i'd apologize for that if i were still on my eckhart tolle kick. i gave that up a while back, though. thank the lord.

yeah. so here are some of my quirks a.k.a. lame habits:
must always run the back of my hand a long a wall when i pass it.
must sing christmas carols throughout the year
must pull out my falling out hair and throw it on the floor. ( i realize this is disgusting)
must not allow random acts of harmonizing with my singing. i will stop singing.
must always look at the clock at both 11:11 and 4:18

must listen to music at an odd-numbered volume. normally 11 or 13.

must leave tea bag in tea until tea is gone. otherwise tea experience is void. always chamomile.

i will probably add to this list as i think of new ones. or my friends enlighten me.

creating a percentage of fiction by incorporating one's dreams into their works of non-fiction. can it be done?

2010-09-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

Well, Lord Tennyson might have thought so. In his work, The Higher Pantheism, he wrote, "Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?"

I began to ponder this a couple of days ago when I was roused from a strange dream of my own. It was one of those dreams that felt realer than real. In the dream I was doing no more than sitting with a friend watching a very strange film (that happened to include white-unicorn-headed animated boys and 1970's style hippie narration.) Not exactly chimerical, but in the dream I felt content and intrigued and inspired. I also woke up feeling that way, a feeling which lingered and lingered.

I mailed the friend early the next morning because this friend and I share a radical, quantum, super-bond. I just needed to tell him about it. And just like I know that something probably very strange and wonderful will be born of this little dream-seedling sometime in the future, I knew there was a deeper meaning to it. A meaning I would need to ponder for thought's sake. So, I began to think about the dream, which led me into wondering what might happen if I incorporated pieces of this dream (and others) into my non-fiction.

And then the philosopher in me wondered if incorporating these bits of night-truth would make for a fraction of day-truth in my non-truth. thus making it an eensy weensy bit true...like, non-fictional-fractionally-fictional-but-mostly-non-fictional-fiction. You following? Still reading?

I know. It sounds a bit strange. But plausible, right?

beta songs: or how songs come of songs: or the story of 'kids in parks at night.'

2010-09-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

back story: a million months ago, one of my partners in musical crime sent me a guitar track. as usual, i was required to write the song and record my part of the singing. then he would add his harmonies etc. thing is, my brain heard the song, imagined words, and heard a different melody entirely. so, i told steve(n) that i'd come up with a ukulele part for this new song, this beta song. so now, the melody sounds nothing like the alpha melody. he asked me, as any sane music-partner would, what of the old song was in the beta song. the answer? nothing. and everything. because it's all about the flavor, yo. and the tone. it's all about what the music evokes.

you can hear the beta song here. (it's right under the owl pie).

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay

2010-09-01T14:51:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure that non-YA readers, which are probably any and all people who happen to read my blog, won't really "get" this post. Luckily, almost all my friends are book lovers. People who understand how important good books are. Books that teach you important lessons or carry you into situations you'd never dream of experiencing for reals. I'm air quotes-ing for reals.

Yesterday I finished Suzanne Collins' book, Mockingjay, which is the third and final book in The Hunger Games series. I finished it. Then I stared, shell-shocked, at the wall for a couple of hours trying to let it soak in.

This book is so, so...VITAL. It should be read by everybody. But I'm so glad it's a YA book - because it really is the young people - people who will lead tomorrow - whom this message is so important for. Because things like the Hunger Games are so incredibly possible! That's what makes the books so incredibly scary: how easily a society like that could bloom from our own.

Anyway, for those of you who can't stomach reading, (shame on you!) there will be a film. From what I've read, the script is written and next they'll be casting and hunting for a director. I don't know if this film will be based on the first book, or a hap-hazard combination of all three. I'm hoping for the first.

For the rest of you, WHY HAVEN'T YOU READ THESE BOOKS YET?

They will change your life. And they might give you post-traumatic-stress-disorder, too.

adventures in purgatory

2010-08-21T14:46:00.001-07:00

I'm pace-hunting. That's it, pure and simple. Pace-hunting. Finding my beat, my rhythm, and normally pace-hunting works okay for me because I'm setting it myself and I'm head-swaying to the pentameter and its all good. But, these days, I'm head swaying to my pentameter and my feet are marching to the beat of my mother's and my fingers are snapping to yours, or his or hers and the list goes on and on.

That's how it is when you're living in some one's place. Someone who is not you. They've got it all tuned just right for them and they've got all their pendulums swinging and it's all just right. Just right for them.

My purgatory is living in my mother's house. Bless her, its got to be just as hard on her as it is on me. And, trust me, I'm searching for my temporary place in it. I know its hiding here somewhere, after all, her home was my home for a couple dozen years in the first place. It must be in the back of a cabinet or something.

Beaches and Hohs

2010-08-09T11:20:00.001-07:00

me and boy in La Push's Quilleute rez's 2nd beach
my backside pondering how feggun gorgeous it is here

me in the Hoh rainforest, future sight of raddest commune in history

I've returned from what has been, for sure, the loveliest trip of my life. I mean, it was lovely in the sense that it was very relaxing - but even more, the pacific northwest is the most beautiful place i've ever seen. Ever. Oh, and did I mention I've seen a helluva lotta places?

In short, the man and I drove up to Eugene, Oregon and spent the night with my BFFFF, Megan. It was rad and her bed is very comfortable as her parents spent a small fortune on it and it is made from some sort of tree bark. Quite awesome. Then we drove up to Portland, then Seattle to hang with some homies, then to Washington's Olympic Peninsula. I'm thinking the Gods must like this area best in the world because, I swear it, no place is better and it wins the rad of radness award of radness.

We drove around the entire peninsula - and I'm not going to lie to you - we stayed in both Forks and La Push. I will not bore with photos of me standing in front of the Forks sign, in front of the 'no vampires beyond this point' treaty lign sign in La Push, nor will I bother you with any fan girl nonsense that includes Quilleute Indian Reservations or Forks High Schools. You are thanking me for this, I know. I'm also thanking me for this.

I will bore you with the photos at La Push's second beach, above, where you can sit around a beach bonfire and play with squirrels (the way Eddus says it, not the way I say it) and play in sea-caves. And I will bore you with me in what I think might be the perfect commune location in the Hoh rainforest.

There are details, peeps. Details like how the glacial waters make the Olympic's rivers jewel-box blue, and how the cloud banks hang low around the mountains, and how the forest is heavy with moss and magic.

Also, most people seem to drive Subarus, ride their bikes on the highway and eat lots of Thai food which is fine because I like Subarus, bike-riding and Thai food. Also, the coffee is plentiful as are radical diners with names like Kountry Kafe and Granny's Kitchen. All things I support.

Roel had an amazing job interview in Portland that went amazingly well and it is very hard to be patient and wait and not write run-on sentences. I will keep all of you posted as we move forward on this exciting adventure that is leading us to Oregon, but neh - prolly Washington because Washington wins and you can commute from Washington to Portland.

Oh, and I read Will Grayson, Will Grayson by David Levithan and John Green. It is a story about two boys named Will Grayson whose lives cross. It is also about boys falling in love with other boys and a musical. The book is amazing and wins.

routine (or lack thereof)

2010-07-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

It's kinda hard to believe I've been back in California for nearly a month. That isn't to say the time hasn't crept by just a bit. I'm hanging in between about five worlds and that has a tendency to make things sneak by so slowly. They might go by at a snail's pace, but I'm totally oblivious to most of them.

That might have to do with the fact that I have travelled more in the last few weeks than I have in the last few years combined. See, I'm a creature of habit...to a fault. I Love the bits and pieces of life that unfold their mysteries within the routine. I love my coffee in the morning (I love my coffee all day!). I love folding laundry on my bed in the afternoon and listening to music while I cook dinner at night. I love working on my manuscript. I love playing my ukulele and writing songs that I actually have time to record.

And I hate...I HATE forgoing my beautiful routine. It absolutely exhausts me.

That said, it's been great having these moments with my mother and sister seeing old things with my new eyes - eyes that couldn't recall in detail just how mighty the Giant Sequoias are or how insanely crowded Disneyland is in the summertime or how awesome our coastal tide pools are. I've even had the pleasure of devouring four fantastic novels in the last couple of weeks. Maggie Stiefvater's 'Shiver' has been the book of my summer, maybe my life. Now I'm gearing up for travelling up north - scoping out our new life in Oregon, seeing Washington and Canada.

Then I'm looking forward to rediscovering my gorgeous, delicious routine!

the prodigal daughter has returned...briefly

2010-07-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am. I'm home.

And I've gotta admit, I wasn't singing songs from the OC when my airplane landed in LAX. I was singing songs of, "get me the hell out of this flying machine before I go ape-sh*t." An offering of advice: don't fly US Airways...ever. Gross.

Here I am. In the valley. It's great to be with the family. Spending time with my mom and sis is fantastic. I have yet to call a single friend - which I know could be perceived as 'bad'. I love y'alls - I'm just totally beat. I'll call soon. Promise.

I went on some hikes with my sister up in the park. It was great. We've been loving the solidarity we've missed so much. With a little luck my brother will be flying in from D.C. in a couple of weeks, which - if my other brother hadn't gone and died of leukemia - would make me feel oh-so-complete. Please don't be offended at my off-color death-brother jokes. Trust me, If Bryan were alive, he'd laugh. We've all got a very sick sense of humor, it's just how we roll.

So, here I am in the 108 degree heat. But it's ok, that's what the AC is for. And in a few weeks I'll be in the coolness of the pacific northwest. Sweet!

I haven't been writing (since I'm waiting on a hand-me-down laptop), and I've only picked up my uke once, though I have been working on some song-lyrics for a collaboration I'm doing with Steve(n). I look forward to getting back into my creative rhythm.

The point is (if there is one), it's great being home for now, but boy am I itching to get our lives going up in Oregon. Yeah!

the bad part

2010-06-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

First, i'd like to apologize for the font of bloggery. I guess I've just got more to say than usual.

Both yesterday and today have been 'goodbye' days. I hate these days.

When Roel and I chose for each other, we chose a life of hellos and goodbyes. We have, in the past ten years of our relationship, been in a constant state of transit. I know full-well that we will always be in this state. Transit just comes along with the territory of being in an international marriage, but that sure doesn't make it any easier.

I don't mind the going back and forth; I quite like living on two continents, but my heart breaks for the family members we're always leaving behind. I hurt for the time they sacrifice watching the boys growing up. I ache for the milestones they've missed - that they will miss. It makes me very sad that because of our choice of partner, some members of our family are always being left in the dust. I know the grandmothers especially suffer. And the boys suffer. Today when their Grandparents brought them home from an overnight excursion, Jonas busted into tears at having to, once again, say goodbye. He knows he will see them soon, but still...

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Though I may wax poetic about my wonderful transcontinental life - there is a major downside. Saying goodbye to people we love on a regular basis takes its toll. We love our family. I love my mother and father-in law. They are earth-bound angels. We don't speak the same language, but we have an understanding that surpasses that. We have love in common.

Saying goodbye to people is hard. Saying goodbye to places is hard. Antwerp is my home. It as just as much my home as California. No matter where I am, half of me is always somewhere else, and as hard as it is - as hard as these goodbyes are - my life is so beautiful.

Reading Together

2010-06-18T01:11:00.000-07:00

I have two sons. The oldest is Jonas, who we also refer to as Anthony (his middle name), Tony and Chauncy. He is 9. The youngest is Simon, who we also call Edward (his middle name) Eddy and Chuck. Simon is 7. If you know my boys, you will know they are creative, intense and are hard to reign in. Well, I don't really make an effort to reign them in--that would be futile. And plus, I like them as they are. I can relate to them easily.

One thing Jonas-Anthony and Simon-Edward really, really are: readers. These boys, like me, love the books. I love that they love books, and we love, love, love to read together.

Last night we finished the Percy Jackson Demi-God series by Rick Riordan. As I read the last line of the last (5th) book, the boys were both a little misty eyed. They were heartbroken that it had come to an end. I think this is the first time they'd ever experienced traveling such a long journey with a group of characters, and ending it was bittersweet for them. This is something else I could completely relate to.

Besides just loving the story and characters, through Percy Jackson we learned so much about Greek mythology! The boys are familiar with most of the Gods now, and also with many of the minor Gods. This was a fantastic series that I recommend to young readers, or as a book to read together. Not only is there a lot to learn, but there's a lot to feel--and there's tons of humor.

Next we'll be reading Rick Riordan's series about the Egyptian Demi-Gods. I can't wait!

pride, perseverance. and planes.

2010-06-15T02:25:00.000-07:00

About one week to go before we leave Antwerp, or rather, before we begin splitting out time between Antwerp and America. Here, the weather is a gorgeous 64F. The skies are just a bit overcast, and jazz music pours out of the upper-story windows of practicing musicians' apartments. There are lots of beer drinking sounds from the corner cafe where more people than usual are huddled inside watching the World Cup.

And me? I'm sitting in front of the computer working obsessively on my novel. So utterly actual now, I'm having an intense relationship with my characters.

I'm inside, but my terrace doors are open. I see the buildings, hear the cathedral bells ring, feel the breeze off the harbor; it feels like I'm not missing a thing. My book is soaking up the atmosphere, its all recorded between the layers of my story.

One week to go. It feels so strange, so right. Time is progressing exactly as it should. Roel and I just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe we met some 18 years ago when I was only 15. We're having more fun than we've ever had. I feel like we're growing younger together instead of older. Even now that Roel is preparing to begin work on his doctorate (which seems so f-ing grown-up) we feel like kids. I'm so proud of him. In some ways I'm jealous of his ability to continue achieving academically. I'm so proud of Roel and my other brilliant friends who are so organized, so successful in their educational goals.

We all know what a terrible student I have been in the past - what a terrible student I'd be today. It might sound strange, but I'm so glad I decided to forgo my brief classroom relationship (if you call me staring at the clock, doodling and daydreaming a relationship). The classroom and I never got along very well. I've learned so much by faltering, failing and learning through experience. I see where my writing - be it lyric-writing for music, or novel-writing has bloomed sans the carefully sculpted formula of a well-educated student. I wouldn't want to lose my grit, though I'm not speaking in terms of grammar, rather, structurally.

I guess what I'm trying to say (so ineloquently) is that I'm benefitting from exiting the classtomb, and from an abundance of life experience. I'm glad things have evolved as they have. I'm grateful for the way things continue to evolve. Sometimes I feel as though the things that have aged me have been erased, replaced by things that make me feel younger.

it's the final countdown

2010-06-02T04:49:00.000-07:00

Isn't that the best/worst song ever? I remember my friend Carrie getting a new T-bird for Christmas one year. We celebrated her amazing gift by cruising Visalia, listening to Europe's 'Final Countdown' over and over and over. I had a perm at the time. Not cute.

I've gotten sidetracked before I've even begun. This is not a good sign. I don't blame you if you stop reading (3..2..1..) now.

And now for the real reason behind this post: we are returning to America. I mean, we are returning, like, soon! Our plane is scheduled to leave Brussels on the 23rd of this month...June. We will arrive in Los Angeles by way of Philly the same day.

I haven't even begun to pack. To be honest, there won't be much to pack. We're leaving most of our stuff here to put into the little apartment we are planning to buy. So, I'm going to throw some clothes and books (there are some I re-read so often, it would be painful to separate myself from them) into a bag, and I'm off. Roel will join us the end of July, at which point he and I will drive up to Portland and get things organized there. Yes, our plan is to settle part-time-permanently in Portland, Oregon.

Our other part-time-permanent will always be Antwerp. Antwerp is our home, too. Antwerp is my home, too.

So, I'll be spending a few weeks with my mother which means endless traveling, theological discussions in which I have no steam to even attempt to defend myself, shopping, avoiding all of the food she cooks that I can't eat, and last but most...writing, writing, writing. I assume I'll be writing all night while the rest of the house sleeps.

I finished the first half of my first draft and its going so well. Novel-writing is rad. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Also: music. always, always: music. I will continue writing and recording with the band (www.inbrokenenglish.com). I'll continue making music on my own and with Steve Gwynne and Mai. I'll continue being the much more independent girl I've become since I flew the coop/country and finally, finally figured out who the hell I am.

I love you all.

ps: if you live in the city of antwerp and you want to rent the best house ever on the most amazing street ever, email me at: callieuleners@gmail.com

you roll your eyes, i shrug.

2010-05-31T08:20:00.001-07:00

Just in case you had forgotten what a rejectable-type dork I am, I wanted to give you a little reminder in the form of a couple of photographs. Below you will see two shots of a playmobil scene I made based on the Twilight Saga. Yes - that again. They were photographed by my partner in crime, Roel, who for some strange reason supports the things in me that other people roll their eyes at.

Groentekalender (vegetable Calendar)

2010-05-12T04:10:00.000-07:00

Our kid's awesome school ( www.zeppelinfo.be ) has begun a wonderful new initiative. The kids can only bring fruit that's grown in Belgium and in season for their fruit pause (a break where they eat a fruit they bring from home). The challenge for me was learning what grows in Belgium, and in which season since it's very different from California.

Check out this rad site where they inform what is grown in Belgium when. This is a great resource!

www.groentekalender.be

On a side note, I have really appreciated Zeppelin, the school they've been attending. We will really miss this school! It's a mecca for creative children (and hippie parents like me!). The classes never have more than 15 kids, and their method is strange and wonderful. If you live in Antwerp and you're looking for a wonderful school, try this one. Oh and go to their website to see some great photos from the Lentefeest. If you look hard enough, you'll see me and the fam. in there.

a super easy, amazing curry

2010-05-05T04:57:00.001-07:00

This is a callie-ized version of a curry recipe from Sunset magazine. It's completely vegan, though I did make some shrimp on the side for the family to enjoy. Roel and I had leftovers for lunch today and it was even better. Plus, it takes less than 30 minutes to make.

with a bit of oil in a large saucepan, combine:

one onion, chopped

a pound of baby carrots cut in half length-wise

1 cup of frozen peas

2 TBSP madras curry powder

1 can (14oz.) coconut milk

salt to taste ( I do about 1 tsp.)

(you'll need cilantro for sprinkling)

Simmer until carrots are soft and serve over some good quality basmati rice. Sprinkle chopped cilantro over the top. Also, I cannot stress enough how important good madras curry powder is. That nasty stuff you buy in the regular grocery store from schillings or whatever is no good. Real madras curry has the best, most amazing flavor. Also, madras curry does have a bit of spice, so if you (or your kiddos) can't handle the heat, have a little cucumber raita to cool your mouth off between bites. I tell my kids that spicy foods help your body to release endorphins which make you feel goooood. We love to feel good.

thank you, Jesus for kosher food...wait, what?!

2010-04-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to take a sec. to wax poetic about the soup packets I can't get enough of. If you can find them in the kosher aisle of your grocery store, you will be very, very happy. The flavour is so good that I don't feel an ounce of guilt (as a pretty strict vegan) for drinking chicken flavored broth. Naughty, I know. What can I say? The company is Osem, pronounced awesome. I've just composed an email to Yaffle and now a blog about this soup. Wow.

A.C.C.Y.O.S...M

2010-04-14T23:44:00.000-07:00

I heard that April is officially cover callie's original songs month...Ok - so I don't know how I've deserved all this, but it's just so awesome. I know I've been posting several covers that some really amazing artists have done of my songs. But...Holy Crap - this one takes the cake! I'm going to post Liz's video below and then some links to a few other artists who've used the last few weeks to cover my songs as well. Thank you all! You make my little songs feel so incredibly BIG!

Iamnotthemoon - Beautiful Mind

Nezoone - Still Turning

Ukisociety - C'mere

two and a half months out

2010-04-12T00:43:00.000-07:00

There is a lot happening. There is a lot going on. I think its good to share these "deets" because it makes them all feel so much more real, though - I must admit, my life has always felt just slightly surreal.

Thing one: I've been scoping out airline tickets this morning. The kids are sitting behind me watching "Jaws" and I'm looking for cheap flights from Brussels to Washington D.C. where my big brother, Scott lives. He wanted some time with his sister (that's me!) and I can't resist him because he's precious. So...instead of flying straight to my beloved west coast, I'll be taking a few days in D.C. with Scotty tissue. I'll be flying home alone with the boys while Roel stays behind and works for another month. After a few days of teaching the kids the flag salute and how to sing the battle hymn of the republic, we'll fly to Californ-i-a. I'll be the one on the plane singing that gawd-awful theme song from the O.C. with only the kind of feverish fervor that someone like me can. Then I'll be home.

Leaving Belgium will be bittersweet, but not really a big deal. See, Roel and I have discovered that we don't - we can't - just live in one place. We have one foot in Europe and one foot in America. That's just our life, that's just what it is. So, we're putting most of our things into storage here. As soon as we can more easily afford it, we'll buy a small apartment here in Antwerp and spend long summers and vacations here. No Problemo. But for now, we're moving home.

As my Dad used to say: "It's been real, it's been fun, it hasn't been real fun."

Thing one and a half: We'll be hunkering down in Visalia for a bit of time, but that too will be impermanent. We're thinking of it more like an extended reunion...BUT...the kids will probably be attending school there for a while, maybe up to a year. Roel and I will be spending several days in August driving from Visalia all the way up to Vancouver, B.C. to scope things out. We're pretty sure we'll settle permanently in the Portland, Oregon area - but we'll also be scoping out parts of Washington State. We love the pacific northwest; that's going to be home. We're going to Vancouver because I'm dying to go to Museum of Anthropology at the University of B.C. I can't resist totem poles, they excite me.

Thing two: Since my computer got stolen, and the book I was writing with it...well, it's been depressing. But then the other day I got a lightning strike from the goddess of writing (which goddess would that be?) and knew exactly how to revise my original idea to make it better. So far, I'm halfway through what is the rough draft of chapter one. It feels so good. It feels so right!

Thing three: I'm working on just the best and most fun new song with my Wisconsin homegirl, Mai a.k.a. Dirty Old Boot a.k.a. DOB. She's a brilliant musician who plays multiple instruments at the same time and has the voice of an angel. We've written one song together before which turned out to be one of the most awesome projects i've ever been a part of. This, though I didn't know it were possible, is even better. We're singing about, you guessed it, vampires. Her favorite vamp is Count Chocula, mine is Wesley Snipes. Ok, not really Wesley Snipes...

Thing four: Reading. You had to know this was coming, right? Roel and I got the second book in The Hunger Games series, Catching Fire. Roel is reading it first since I decided to re-read Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I wanted to be ready for when the Elcipse film comes out in June, then I couldn't stand to NOT read Breaking Dawn after I finished Eclipse. Yes, I'm a dork. No, I don't care that you think I'm a dork. If you think the Twilight Saga is just some dumb book series for teenagers, you're wrong. It's a beautifully written story with amazing characters - it's thoughtfully written etc. etc. I can't say enough about it (to the annoyance of everyone around me). I'm a twi-hard. I admit it. Just to prove my twi-hard-ness I'll admit that I sent my poor husband to the bookstore on Saturday to pre-order "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner" which comes out on June 5th...you have to know I'm just dying inside and I can't wait to have it in my hot hands. He even called me from the bookstore to ask if I knew it was being released online for free and did I still want a hard copy....DID I STILL WANT A HARD COPY???? ummm...YES!!!

Also, the boys and I are reading The Percy Jackson Series together. We're on the third book. It's so much fun reading with Jonas and Simon. They love it, I love them.

I think that about wraps it up. We're enjoying our Easter vay-cay, I'm enjoying reading and writing and making music, I'm really looking forward to moving back home to the USA in just two and a half months AND...i'm hoping that all of you, dear friends, are being as inspired and having as much fun as I am. I mean, My surreal life is just as dreamy and magical as my "real" life. I hope yours is too. After all, there are so many things to see and discover - and so many things to discover that we can't see!

Together and Apart

2010-04-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

i told caren - this amazing woman who has become such an awesome friend and inspiration to me - that i felt i must share her video with as many people i can. not only is she a wonderful person, but she's an incredible dancer, mom and film maker.

my friend zane...

2010-04-03T08:36:00.001-07:00

is brilliant. she covered my song 'still turning'. she gets me.

click here for my version on last.fm

DST, Nightengales and The Hunger Games

2010-03-30T01:08:00.000-07:00

I think I must be the last to know that daylight savings time is a man-made attempt at saving money. Even my sister knew and she's the girl who, on the way from New Mexico to California, asked my brother if in fact, going 60 miles per hour actually means that in one hour you will have travelled 60 miles. I mean, she's smart but there are certain practical things she's just never considered. I adore my sister.

So I was just shocked when I discovered, thanks to my husband, that daylight savings time is a fairly new tradition concocted to save money. I was also surprised to learn that Arizona and Hawaii don't participate in this foolishness. Every year when the clock changes, my biorhythm gets all screwed up and I ask myself, WHY?

The saddest part is that its all for nothing because DST actually ends up costing Americans more! This is foolish; we need to end this foolishness asap.

Luckily the universe has sent me a wonderful way of calming those nighttime "I can't sleep because my biorhythm is all screwed up" jitters (here in Europe, the time changes earlier than it does in the USA) in the form a few Nightengales who serenade me through my bedroom window. They sing the most beautiful song i've ever heard. I lay there and imagine they are singing something like:

Who sings the prettiest? We dooo'oo, we dooo'oo!!

Who are so lucky to be night birds? We a'are we a'are!!

Who gets the juiciest worms while all the other birds are snoozing? It's uuuu'uuuus, we're the beeee'eeest!!!

Nightengles Ru'le!! Nightengales are coo'ool!!!

And it goes on like that till my imaginary Nightengale conversation lulls me to sleep. Roel and I have named the birds Katniss, Peeta and Gale after our three favorite characters in the book, The Hunger Games. We do a lot of tandem reading, but this book has been our most recent favorite. Have you read it yet? If not, READ IT NOW! IT'S FANTASTIC!

welcome, baby Eden

2010-03-06T01:14:00.000-08:00

My nephew Christopher and his partner, Jessica welcomed their second baby yesterday - a girl - Eden Marie. She is gorgeous and such a wonderful, welcome, amazingly special addition to our little family. I can't wait to see her in July and smooch and adore every inch of her. I'm only hoping her parents and grandparents will be insanely busy so I can babysit her as often as possible.

To Garrison Keillor

2010-03-03T04:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Keillor,

I know you will never read this so I feel pretty comfortable with the spelling and grammatical errors that will happen in this letter as well as the run on sentences like the one you are reading right now.

I am an American. I live in Antwerp, Belgium because I married an Antwerp, Belgian. Recently I was shopping in the kringwinkel, a charity shop here in town, when I discovered your book "We Are Still Married" laying behind some British paperbacks. It cost ten cents. I bought it along with Dave Pelzer's child abuse memoir and an ancient copy of "Jane Eyre".

I've worked through the book slowly, reading the short stories and poems out of order. This morning I read "Nineteen" as the tram wound its way toward my neighborhood. I saw myself in your story about being an American in a foreign country, but doing my best to not make the mistakes of being a "loud" American, or a fat one, or the kind that doesn't say please and thank you in the native language. I saw myself in the walking fast and keeping my face to the ground so as not to look too touristy. I saw myself missing your 'fun in the sun'. I smiled when I finished the story and looked out the window just in time to see two ladies kissing passionately. One was very much taller than the other one.

I know you get loads of compliments all the time and I don't intend to do too much of that here, though you are one of my heroes. Of the three books I bought in the Kringwinkel that day, I didn't love yours the most, but I certainly liked it best!

the snow, the boys

2010-02-16T00:44:00.000-08:00

I've really been enjoying our winter wonderland, though I must admit I miss the sun. I have a feeling that during our summer back home in Visalia, I will miss the below-zero weather and this white stuff floating around our faces. Walking to the grocery store has become an adventure in this weather, but I love how the sky looks as white as the snow and how yummy a hot cup of tea tastes when its so cold outside.

Here are a couple photos of our 'hood' all covered with snow.

Though Halloween isn't the dress-up occasion it is in the states, carnival is. I let the kids decide what they wanted to "be" this year. Simon wanted to be a vampire which isn't too surprising. I mean, with his almost translucent white skin and his naturally brooding self, it was a very appropriate costume. To be honest, I think he looked 100% gorgeous.

Jonas opted for the cat costume. I searched everywhere for cat ears and tales etc, but after hours of disappointment, I decided to knit them myself. I think they turned out really cute, and Jonas made an adorable cat.

It's been a very special winter so far. Apart from the bits of bad luck I've had, I've also had some really good, creative ideas which I will soon put to good use. Roel is sharing his computer with me when he can, which is nice. Hopefully I'll be back to writing soon and getting all those crazy words out of my head once again.

doing without: so far

2010-02-09T00:46:00.000-08:00

*this blog brought to you by the letter 'P' for Positivity and the number 11 for being the best number of all.*

Lately my life has been dominated by a certain theme: doing without. I assume at this point you're preparing yourself for several paragraphs of me complaining about what lack has done to me, but I want to reassure you, this is a no whine blog, so relax.

Let me go back to the beginning of November, that's when I gave up alcohol and all dairy products (this was strongly advised by my homeopathic physician). I know that giving those foods up may seem a silly thing to have done, it did to me, too. What it came down to was this: I could live without them; they didn't truly benefit me in any way. I'll admit, the first couple of weeks were hard, and if you think passing up a glass of wine is hard, try passing up cheese! Now, three months later, I'm sleeping better and feeling better and I'm glad I gave them up. Things can always change, but for now living without both dairy and alcohol feels like a permanent decision.

Then, of course, there's the theft. That guy stole my computer, which I'll be the first to admit I'm a slave to. My Ipod, which I was convinced I couldn't live without etc. etc. Now, more that a week later, I'm realizing how precious this gift is, yes, I said gift.

The first couple of days I didn't know what to do with myself. No email checking? No blog reading? And most importantly, no song recording or book writing? The first few days were painful to say the least. Now, though, I feel like I've been handed the gift of time, and I've been using it to analyze how I've been spent it in the past.

I know that someday I'll have a computer again, but for now I'm fine using Roel's from time to time. The thing I lean on when I'm craving medical searches and youtube videos is this: I can live without it; It doesn't truly benefit me in any way. Now I'm enjoying re-reading old books, yoga stretches, morning devotions, walks where you hear people noises and not ipod noises and a more balanced day.

I'd like to think that everything happens for a reason, and although I wish my things hadn't been stolen that day, I'm appreciating what I'm learning from it. Likewise, although alcohol is tasty and wonderful and does have health benefits and although cheese is quite possibly the most delicious thing to eat ever, I'm loving not relying on wine to relax in the evening, and I'm really enjoying not suffering from the horrific side-effects of lactose intolerance.

I guess the only question now is, what should I give up next? I'm thinking a return to vegetarianism might be in order...

a cover of my "be" song

2010-02-05T11:54:00.000-08:00

another wonderful cover by ukisociety.

best/worst day

2010-02-01T10:20:00.000-08:00

ok, here it is. I'm going to keep this short...

I went to Paris yesterday and it was wonderful to spend the day with the band - Gregg, Yannick and Justine. We had a photo shoot with an amazing photographer (i'll post his link when i get it) and we just had a wonderful, bonding kind of day. www.inbrokenenglish.com

And here's the bad part: My backpack got stolen from right under my feet at a cafe. In my backpack was my computer, ipod, phone, wallet with lots of important cards and docs, a bag of m&m's, and all sorts of other important things.

On my computer was the first ten chapters of the book i've been writing and my vast library of music as well as all of my own recordings. I am...crushed.

So, as you can guess, I'm going to be pretty much out of touch. I can use Roel's computer to check my email ands tuff, though - so don't forget me!! Loves and hugs to my homies.

x,c.

finding things

2010-01-25T05:25:00.000-08:00

Saturday was misty and wet here. I think all of us were sort of down in the dumps, but isn't it funny how something strange can brighten everything up?

We were walking down the Schermersstraat (that's the street the runs in front of the Terninckgang which is the alley we live on). I was consoling Jonas who was missing his grandmother when all of a sudden something on the sidewalk caught my eye. It looked familiar but seemed out of place. It took a couple of seconds for me to register what it was I was seeing.

It was a matchbook from Knott's Berry Farm. I know, I know, it seems a little (okay, a lot) silly. I picked it up and just sort of stared at it for a minute before I pushed it into my coat pocket. It reminded me of biscuits with boysenberry jam and that ridiculous old west town where you stand on the grave and feel a heart beating below your feet. It reminded me of how much my mother loves the greasy fried chicken there, and how much we all love her for loving it so much.

I have to wonder about how the matchbook made its way from Buena Park, California all the way to Antwerp, Belgium. I wonder if it traveled with an American staying here in Europe, or if it came with a European tourist. However it came, it was a joy for me to find it and pick it up and hide it in my coat pocket.

these wonderful people covered my song

2010-01-15T07:49:00.000-08:00

This is Andrew Pedroza, a very talented musician and filmmaker in southern California, and his gang of wonderful cohorts. I am endlessly grateful and very flattered when other artists I admire find inspiration in my music.

you can hear my version of the song here:

http://www.last.fm/music/owlphanumeric/prairie+songs

The glue that won't set, the cables that bind

2010-01-06T00:50:00.000-08:00

I love Europe, I really do. I have had a strange and volatile love affair with this place since I first came here at fifteen years old. He charmed me with his architecture and ancientness. He made me feel like I could be fancy, too, if I really tried. He also kind of made me feel bad about myself, like I was too wild to tame because I prefer my feet bare and my hair uncombed.

While my association with Europe, Belgium in particular, is like a torrid love affair, my connection with my homeland is more appropriately described as a strained mother/daughter thing. Well, it was strained. In the last couple of years my green, northern west coast mother and I have worked things out. We've developed an understanding, but I'll get to that in a bit.

First let me get out the details of the temepestuous nature of my "relationship" with this cold, northern place. They aren't negative, the things I have to say about Belgium. It isn't that Belgium isn't amazingly cultural and creative, it is. Belgium is also beautiful, complex and strong. What it boils down to is that as much as I love it here, it becomes an emotional strain to have to force a bond when the glue won't set.

I've encountered some strange things here. For instance, just yesterday I was on the tram when an elderly woman sat next to me and proceeded to sniff my face. I was chewing gum, so I know my breath was minty-fresh. I had showered, so I know my body smelled fine. She just...she just sniffed me! Yes, I'm aware that I could have been sniffed anywhere, so maybe that example is poor, or maybe I just wanted to tell you about the sniffing incident and that seemed like a good place to get it in, I don't know.

To be honest, the more I think about it, the more I see that this doesn't have as much to do with Belgium as it has to do with the cables that bind me to my west coast mama. Notice that I don't say Visalia or even California. It isn't California, it's something else. It's my enormous conifers, my majestic mountain ranges; it's my dirt. It's that stuff my mom calls 'bear grass'. It's a smell, the way the air feels. My pacific northwest mother has given me the gift of realization. I wanted so badly to escape her grasp on me and so she let me go. She let me fly away from her nest and now I see how beautiful she is both up close and from a distance, and how I could never belong anywhere but there. The truth is this: my America doesn't have anything to do with the government, the cost of insurance or some ignorant people that she nor I have any control over. My America has everything to with the dirt I dug in as a child, the animals I watched during summer camping trips in Yosemite and Oregon, and the native peoples that created the trails for me to find my way down.

What a gift this realization has been!

I'm really trying to enjoy the rest of the time I have here. There is snow on the ground; it lays gently in the bare branches of the thin-trunked trees that grow here. The people are wearing their prettiest coats and gloves. When the sun rises and sets, there is a lovely orangey glow in the sky that I can never get over. I finally have an actual reason to wear a beanie. It is inspiring here, and all good food for the novel I'm writing. I'll soak it all up while I'm here, and I'll miss it when I'm gone. I know my dirt will still be there when I return, my dirt, trees and bear grass.

unnecessary undulating: a week in review

2009-12-13T12:01:00.000-08:00

Holy cow, I love my family. This is the strangest group of people; I'm totally privileged to live with them. Where do I even begin...

Simon is just hilarious. So weird, so serious. And a big fan of sexy teen vampires.

Jonas is still memorizing every detail of every character of every DC comic book. The boy is making his uncle proud.

My kids are geniuses; they are also awesomely funny and completely strange.

Then there was last night. Roel had tickets to see 'Daan' in concert. This is where the unnessecary undulating comes in. It was so surreal. It was as though everyone "got it" except for me. All the people were undulating and doing this weird lasso-finger-motion and making the obligatory "woooo" sounds and clapping. But the guy was just bad. He ripped off a lot of artists that I really respect and...ugh!

If you're into self-inflicted-pain-due-to-bad-music, here's his website: http://www.daan.be/

The Belgians love him. I am not a Belgian.

Oh yeah, and check out the photo Roel snapped of the lovely "hotel lard palace". Come visit me and I'll book you a room there.

UKISOCIETY covered one of my songs!

2009-12-05T02:02:00.000-08:00

technology-challenged gentile

2009-12-01T03:59:00.000-08:00

note: no orthodox jew or technology-challenged gentile were harmed in the making of this strange encounter

I thought long and hard before I decided it was a good idea to tell you about something that happened to me about a week ago. Right off the bat, I see that it makes me look stupid, but after much consideration I'm fairly certain that lots of people know that I have a talent for getting myself into uncomfortable situations (also situations that show off my lack of healthy mental activity). Here goes.

I am very content with my laundromat. Also, I am a creature of habit, so even if I hated the laundromat, I would continue to use it. It's about, hmmm...maybe 6 blocks from my house. I put my wet, washed clothes into my grocery cart-thingy and roll them to the laundromat to dry them. I throw the clothes and some coins into the machine and off it whirs, at which point I usually just bask in the glory of the crazies who are hanging out there for a few minutes before taking the nice, chilly walk home while listening to 'a prairie home companion' on the 'ol ipotty. This laundry situation works for me.

A couple of weeks ago I returned home from visiting my friend in Brussels to find my three men eagerly telling me about the NEW laundromat which is only ONE block from the house. I've got to be honest, I didn't feel good about it. I mean, it was new....and ummm....yeah. I don't like "new", but I relented and said we could try it out.

The next day Roel and I threw a couple of loads of wet stuff into the shopping cart-thingy and made the short trip down to the NEW laundromat. I was uncomfortable from the first moment.

The place was clean, too clean. The machines were new, too new. The worst part, though, was that there was a monster-sized machine that you had to PROGRAM your loads through. Buttons to push, decisions to make, a card to swipe. This was all too much for me to take in. A few moments later a very kind gentleman approached us and asked if we'd like him to explain how this high-tech laundry situation worked. Roel and the nice orthodox Jew babbled away in flemish and I stood there staring at the giant machine in horror.

This was not my laundromat.

After the men were done talking, Roel attempted to explain to me how the monster, I mean machine worked, but I just couldn't understand. Roel asked me if I wanted to leave and of course I did, but I didn't want to offend the nice man who ran the place. Roel, who was obviously becoming a bit irritated with me at this point said we should go, and go we did. I just felt more comfortable at my own laundromat with my own coin-drop system. So I took my laundry from Roel and made my way, alone, to the other laundromat.

It was as I reached the corner that I heard some shouting behind me (which is amazing since I had the news from lake Wobegon blasting in my ears). I tuned to see the man, his long black coat flying in the wind like enormous wings racing up to me.

"I just wanted to know" he said "why you are not choosing to use my laundromat"

I fidgeted.

"I'm not really good with machines" I said "They confuse me"

There was a look of pity in his eye. He sucked in his breath.

"But my new machines will get your clothes much cleaner"

He wasn't selling me.

"I'm technology-challenged" I mumbled.

"well, ok" he said and turned and walked away as I yelled "sorrryyyyy"

I felt horrible. I felt GUILTY.

I went to my laundromat, threw my clothes in. Lake Wobegon wasn't holding my interest. I returned home and plopped down on the sofa. I told Roel the whole story topping it off with a:

"The guy is God's chosen people, I should TOTALLY have used his laundromat"

Roel rolled his eyes at me.

So, I'm still going to my tried and true coin-op six blocks away. I still feel terrible though. In my own defense, that machine was really intimidating.

Homeopathy

2009-11-09T00:49:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share my experience with my new Homeopathic Physician here in Belgium; it was such an amazing experience.

First off, a little background. Seven years ago, after I gave birth to my second son, Simon, I had an onset of several really terrible symptoms. It took 4 years of going from doctor to doctor only to hear that it was my thyroid, and they promptly put me on medication. The problem is, my symptoms never got better. The constant stomach aches, eczema etc. etc. continued despite my devotion to my thyroid meds.

I've always preferred natural medicine to traditional chemical band-aids, though I've never found the right "fit" with a physician whom I trusted until recently when I found a homeopathic practice in nearby Deurne:

http://www.homeopathy-antwerpen.be/praktijkhuis/index.htm

I was happy to find that there was a female physician there (I don't really feel comfortable with male doctors) who was happy to speak English with me since I find it a bit uncomfortable to try and discuss my health woes in Flemish. It took me two months to get in to see her, but it was well worth the wait.

She spent two hours with me, really getting to the emotional root of my physical issues. She analyzed my body language as well as my words, regularly asking me what this word or that word meant to me, and to try and go deeper, using different adjectives to explain my thoughts and feelings. She wanted to know about my Mother's pregnancy with me, my childhood, my losses and my joys and she really listened to me.

At one point she said to me, "this is really intense and I can feel it; is that ok with you?" Nobody has ever asked permission to experience my hurt before; it was so refreshing.

At the end of it all, she prescribed me a remedy based on the tobacco plant; here is some interesting reading material about the use of tobacco in homeopathy:

http://abchomeopathy.com/r.php/Tab

She explained to me that over the course of the next month, the remedy will work in waves and that it should have had its full effect by the end of the month at which point I will return to see her to evaluate my condition and to progress with my healing.

Also...she took me off all dairy and alcohol. The dairy part isn't so bad, but the alcohol might be a bit tough since I really enjoy my glass of wine while I cook. For my health, though, I'm happily willing to give up my vices, and she reassured me that there will me more foods to give up in the future. I will keep you updated on my progression. Im really looking forward to vibrant emotional and physical health, Gawd knows I haven't experienced that in ages...

The Raddest Pumpkin soup of all time

2009-10-26T01:36:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago my friend Maxine gave me a small pumpkin. It was really the ugliest pumpkin I'd ever seen, knobby and misshapen, so I figured I'd reserve it for cooking.

Saturday evening after we returned form seeing UP! (which is amazing!), we needed to warm up from the damp, chilly weather so I decided to throw together a pumpkin soup which incidentally turned out to be the best pumpkin soup I have ever tasted. It is yummy and really flavorful with an awesome consistency, almost like a thin chowder since I mashed the soup instead of pureeing it.

Try it for yourself, and let me know how it came out! you won't be disappointed, and hey, this stuff is packed with Vitamin C to beat off that swine flu!

the raddest pumpkin soup of all time

1 chopped onion

4 cloves garlic, chopped

Sautee the onions and garlic in 1/4 c. butter with 1TB. olive oil

When onion go transparent, add 2L. (8 cups) chicken stock

then add:

1 small (approx 3 pound) pumpkin peeled and cubed

2 peeled, cubed potatoes

2 peeled, sliced carrots

2 peeled, chopped apples

juice of one orange

2-3 t. pumpkin pie spice

11 grinds of pepper (or 10 or 12;-)

Boil for 20-30 minutes, till very soft, then mash with your Aunt Lila's potato masher (If you don't have a beloved Aunt Lila, you can use your own masher). Make sure the soup is still just slightly chunky.

Then add 1/2 C. heavy cream

Spoon into bowls then drizzle with a bit of cream...mmmm...perfect!

My First Belgian E.R. Experience

2009-10-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

Those who know me know I'm an accident looking for a place to happen. For instance, just minutes before writing this I fell down the stairs for no apparent reason. But this post isn't about me falling down the stairs, it's about the accident that got me admitted to the hospital.

It all happened Thursday evening when I was doing my usual thing, preparing dinner. It had been a crazy day so I resorted to Ravioli because it's easy. I used my heaviest, biggest pot and filled it 3/4 full with water and put it on the stove to boil. In the meantime I sipped a glass of wine and talked to Roel about the day. When the Ravioli was done, I lifted the pot off the stove and like lots of people I know (including my Mother who taught me the trick in the first place)I used the lid to hold the pasta back while I let off the water. Unfortunately, the pot of boiling water didn't end up in the sink, it ended up cascading down the entire front of my body.

Yes, that was me dropping the pot to the ground and hopping from one side of the room to the other screaming "my pants, my pants" trying desperately to get my jeans off my body, taking several layers of boiled leg-skin off with it. After 10 minutes of in-shower-crying I got out only to be hit square in the nervous system by a kind of pain I wasn't expecting. I felt like my bones were on fire and my skin was melting off, ok, my skin was indeed melting off...

and now for a little comic relief:

through my tears, moans and groans I heard my 9 year old say to my 7 year old, "worst case scenario, she'll have to have plastic surgery, but that's a 1 in 1,000 chance". I was then laughing, crying, moaning and groaning.

Roel's parents drove into the city from the burbs to mind the kids while Roel and I got over to the hospital. It was a balmy 30 F. that night which was why I was less than excited when the nurse ordered me to take all my clothes back off and get into the cold shower for 10 more minutes. Oh, p.s, there's no such thing as hospital gowns in Belgium, that includes gyno visits where you're expected to sit stark naked...with no gown. Yeah, I know.

Anyway, once out of the freezing shower and wrapped in some sort of towel thingy, I got a good view of my room. I think the most impressive part of the view was the poster being held to the wall by the tip of a hypodermic needle...yeah, classy, the room was also littered with used hypodermic needles, ok, only one but still. Aside from the lack of robe and the hypodermic needle situation, I have absolutely no complaints.

They informed me that my worst burns, which cover the upper half of my left leg, were second degree burns and that because they are water second degree burns, they are the most painful. Then the Doctor so kindly dragged a needle up and down my burns to make sure I had no nerve damage, thanks Doc. Then they gave me some morphine-type-stuff, slathered me in a thick layer of creme containing silver, bandaged me up and sent me home with a prescription for some heavy pain meds.

The next 48 hours were a drug-induced haze...but here I am on Monday with the ugliest leg you've ever seen...alive. And because this happened in Belgium we won't owe a zillion dollars to the hospital because we're living in a socialist country with socialized medicine...hooray! My visit to the E.R., medications, bandages etc. will cost us just about...hmmm...nothing! This kind of socialized medicine comes in handy when you're planning on adding a third (and last) baby to the mix sometime in the not-too-far away future. Don't get excited people, there's no bun in the oven yet.

Please be careful with boiling water. It can be nasty stuff.

Lexi's Afghan

2009-10-05T01:01:00.000-07:00

Recently my extraordinarily small family was graced with a new baby to love! Baby Lexi was born to my cousin (and childhood bff) Derek and his wife stephanie. (hey, Ru, you might know stephanie, she works as a check-out girl at save mart in Mary's vineyard - i know, superfluous information!).

Anyhow, new babies are always special, but I somehow feel they're extra special for us since we have so few relatives. I wanted to knit the baby something she could enjoy as a keepsake and something to snuggle into, so I made this afghan with extra soft off-white wool in a "little shells" pattern.

Here's the deal...the pattern turned out beautifully and the whole thing is very well done except for one thing: I HATE the shape of it. It's rectangular. Rectangular afghans are perfect for adults but I'm not sure how they are for a child. Granted, the afghan is big enough for her to curl up in until she's a teenager, but I believe baby blankets should be square or only slightly rectangular. Anyhow, maybe I'm being too hard on myself, I don't know.

Along with this afghan, I'm sending bottles of deKoninck beer and tons of candy for everyone to munch on. I miss my family and friends so much, but I'm glad Lexi will have hugs from me in the form of a far-too-rectangular afghan (with love in every stitch).

The Machine

2009-09-01T01:58:00.001-07:00

I'm posting this mostly to show my friend Ruthie, who is an actual seamstress.

I've been complaining that I needed a sewing machine ever since I left my machine in the care of a friend back home in California. I'm no seamstress, but I always need to hem Jonas's pants and do simple mending (which is no fun by hand and takes forever!).

Yesterday I was walking through the kringwinkel (the city of Antwerp's version of Opnieuw en co.) and I found this gem. Yeah, ok, so it's kind of an antique, but the think is STURDY! It weighs about a hundred pounds (= hard to carry home) and makes really nice stitches. When this machine was built, things were made to last.

Don't expect anything too creative out of me, but I'm still really excited about my machine which only cost me 40 euros. Now I just need to try and remember how to use the thing...;-)

year two

2009-08-19T01:27:00.000-07:00

It's official. This marks the beginning of my second year in belgium. I'm sure you're all expecting me to write things like "the year just flew by" etc., but that would be a lie.

The truth is that this has been the longest, most exhausting, most fascinating, most confusing, most exciting and by far the most educational year of my entire life. It has moved by slowly, sometimes week by week, sometimes day by day, sometimes even hour by hour. There have been moments when I felt overwhelmed by the beauty of this place, and times when I've been aching for home, for familiarity. Back home my Sister was undergoing surgery, my mother was losing her home, my brother in law was sick in the hospital, my nephew was discovering he was going to be a father again. All of this went on without me, thousands of miles away. While they were working as a family unit in California, I've been trying to find my place here in Belgium.

The year has been filled with changes, most recently our move from the suburbs (Mortsel) to smack dab in the center of Antwerp. We are in the 2000 area code now, which I must admit, makes my life so much easier. We are now in the most fabulous neighborhood (the mechelseplein area) and we are in a house on the most fascinating, charming street you can imagine. Well, to be honest, you can hardly call it a "street"

Our little yellow house is super cozy and sweet. I feel really comfortable here in my ancient bungalow. It feels good to be in a such a colorful, lively neighborhood so close to everything. It makes life without a car a lot more manageable as well. We're a stones throw away from the gigantic market, organic groceries, museums, restaurants and shopping. I love it here!

In a couple of weeks the kids go back to school at The Zeppelin School, a Steiner (Waldorf) type school about 15 minutes away by tram. I'm looking forward to the friends they'll make and the things they'll create in their new, wonderful school. Roel and I made the decision to remove them from the school we had them in last year. It was tough because they had already undergone so much change, but to be honest, it just wasn't good enough for them. We wanted them to be in an alternative, creative school and really found a perfect place in the zeppelin school. The classes have about 9 students in each class. They have a circle meeting each morning to discuss what they'll be learning that day. After lunch, the remainder of the day is dedicated to creative learning and "projects". I'm really looking forward to the boys being in such a special place. here are some summer video highlights:

I've been really lucky to make some wonderful new friends here. I spend a lot of time with my friend, Liz. She is from Wales and has two really sweet children. I've also recently gotten to know a New Yorker, Maxine. We have a fantastic, fun time together. There are lots of wonderful women I've met through the American Women's Club.

Roel is currently working at Demonstrate: http://www.demonstr8.com/, an agency in Brussels. He is organizing and designing the entire launch of Vitamin Water in Belgium down to the outfits the sales-people will wear as well as the interiors of the showrooms. It is a temporary job and he is having lots of fun. Roel will most likely work at the University this coming year as a professor of graphic design there. He has been working really hard, long hours.

I'm doing the same stuff I always do: writing music, playing songs, watching episodes of degrassi jr. high on DVD, knitting, cooking and trying to keep in touch with my friends. I guess some things never change!

I don't know what this year has in store for me, but I'm open to anything! In the meantime I've learned that I love Antwerp, I love living here, but it probably won't be a forever thing. Knowing that helps me to enjoy and appreciate my time here even more, for however long it might be. I love the walking around, the sitting in cafes, the fabulous parks, the friends I've made, the language I've learned and especially the more centered person I've become. If I've gotten to know anything this year, It's myself. I'm proud of me for being so brave, and I'm proud of my three boys for being brave with me.

wenn ich ein vöglein wär (if i were a little bird)

2009-07-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

These kind of collaborations always amaze me. I make a little song, or in this case sing a cover of an old folk song, and Yaffle breathes life into it.

I was so moved by DH Lawrence's 'The Ladybird'. Within the short story I discovered some lines to this wonderful little song. I dug around and could only find scary boys choir versions...boys singing in the alps, boys singing in fields, boys singing in their school choir. Something had to be done! This is, lyrically, one of the dearest songs I've ever heard, have ever sung. And visiting somebody you miss in dreams is such a universal remedy to the angst of separation. I often say prayers of thanks in the morning when I wake from a long talk with my Dad, or having glimpsed the face or presence of people I miss who are far from me.

I'm constantly amazed with Yaffle, how hard he works to pull these little 2 minute pieces off. I'm no animator, and to be honest, I can't imagine the sort of work that goes into this. What I do know is how grateful I am to have a friend in him; he always seems to completely understand. I don't think I could trust my songs to a different animator; in fact, I wouldn't.

I'm so thankful to all of the people who support my work; who don't beg me to shut up. I really hope to transition soon to writing children's music only; that's where my real passion lies. It feels so good to be doing what I love to do, whether I ever succeed in the material sense of the word is of no value to me. For me, I've already succeeded because I get to do what I love to do everyday with encouragement from the people I love. That's really success!

I'm really proud of this piece, and so happy and grateful to share it. I'll include the translation below:

If I were a little bird
And had two little wings,
I'd fly to you.
But as it can't be
But as it can't be,
I always stay here.

I'm also far from you,
I'm by your side in dreams
And I talk to you.
When I wake up,
When I wake up,
I'm on my own.

There is no hour in the night,
In which my heart doesn't wake up
And think of you,
That, more than a thousand times,
That, more than a thousand times,
You give your heart to me.

sleep (or lack thereof)

2009-07-23T01:43:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying that I am a big, BIG fan of sleeping. I think it's because I've always had such a rich dream life. It might sound crazy, but I'll admit I live a whole life while I sleep. My sleep life inspires my awake life (or who knows, maybe my sleep life is really my awake life, but I'll leave those philosophies to a real philosophers).

To my detriment, and everybody who has to deal with me on a daily basis, I haven't had a decent night of sleep in, well, weeks...it could even be months. I don't really know why. There is a lot of stress right now since we have an upcoming move (into the center of antwerp). I don't know if that's why I'm not sleeping, but not sleeping equals not dreaming equals me being less inspired equals me being cranky.

So, you can imagine how pleased I was to wake up this morning with a beautiful email from my dear friend and gang member, Mariam saying she had enjoyed a nice dream about us in a city together...and another note from my amazing friend Satya saying she had a beautiful dream about me as well. It was a bit reassuring that even if I wasn't sleeping and dreaming, they were doing it for me.

Coconut Oil

2009-06-29T00:34:00.000-07:00

So, here goes, i'm going to blog. It's going to suck, but I'm going to do it. Plus, I wanted an extra reason to talk to you about coconut oil anyway.

Here the deal, I'm a mess. I don't know why my body is always fighting me. It may be that I'm fighting my body. Or maybe Louise Hay is right and I don't love myself enough. I have all of these physical issues...my thyroid hates me, my skin is always itchy, my hair falls out...

...oooh, a good song just came on...

Sorry, anyway...I have all these stupid symptoms of whatever whatever (yes, i meant to write whatever twice). I've been reading up about these various symptoms and it seems like for every single one this natural cure pops up...COCONUT OIL. So here I am thinking I might as well give it a shot.

So I find the stuff in a Bio Winkel and take it home and open the jar. I immediately slather it all over my body and throw back a tablespoon full. Apparently the dosage is a tablespoon with every meal and a good slathering to make you feel greasy and sexy, because we all know that feeling sexy makes your skin stop itching ;-P

Anyway, a few days in and whoah! (say it like Joey Lawrence). I'm feeling good. My skin isn't itching...'drop it like it's hot' just came on the radio, i'll be right back *dance pause*...

Also, i've got tons more energy, my throat isn't feeling chokey anymore (that's a thyroid thing), my tummy is feeling good and digesting accordingly, my skin is all glowey and soft and the patches of eczema have all but disappeared. Oh and also, there a coconut smell seeping from my pores. I know this because yesterday Roel sniffed my hand (no, I don't know why) and said I smell like a coconut.

I believe in the power of the oil. I'm going to stick with it and see where else it takes me. It's curing my eczema and making me feel juicy, and that can't be bad.

There! I blogged! It would have been better if included amazing yaffle-esque drawrings of me slathering the oil on my eczema patches, but you can't have it all. For that you'll have to go to his blog. BTW, my vote is still for the red short shorts. Just FYI.

fail

2009-06-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

i'm failing at blogging today.

Who took my Badjas?

2009-06-10T00:22:00.000-07:00

I get it, Belgium is a small country. In defense of it's smallness though, I would like to say that there are so many brilliant, creative people here; there have been for centuries. Yesterday Roel and I went back the the Rubens House...y'know, one of the homes of Peter Paul Rubens in the center of Antwerp? The man was a genius, and then there are all of the amazing Belgian fashion designers, actors and musicians etc etc... I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are is a lot of talent here; there are a lot of creative things to be proud of.

But when a commercial like this one actually sweeps the nation, I become a little confused...and a bit concerned. And I don't mean that a few people like the commercial, I mean it's SWEEPING THE NATION! There are teenagers running around with lines from the thing as their ringtone, the actor in the commercial has become an overnight sensation...unfortunately, nobody seems to remember what the commercial is advertising.

When I watch it, all I see is some guy speaking Flenglish, which is basically the language of my life. Flenglish is what we speak at home, what my kids speak to each other and how Roel speaks to almost everybody. In fact, there are some English words that I never use anymore...I never ask for the duster and dustpan...it's always the stoffer en blik, and "store" has been forever replaced by "winkel". The list goes on and on. My point is that I understand Flenglish. I even think it's a good idea to parody it in this country since Belgians use so much English, but this commerical...well, it just plain sucks. See for yourself.

In such a creative country with so many creative people, couldn't they have made this idea just a little less annoying? Or maybe I'm missing the mark, it's just brilliant...and I'm just another American who doesn't "get it". Who knows...

a day out

2009-05-10T06:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to Brussels to spend the day with my friend Emmanuelle. It's been such a depressing few months; it was really nice to get out of town and spend some time doing things I don't normally do here in Mortsel.

First and foremost let me talk about food. We ate mexican food! I've been missing my favorite food so much, so it was really awesome to get to eat it. It wasn't the Mexican food you get in California, but it was actually pretty good!

After that we went to the movies. I had never been to the movies in Belgium...which is just CRAZY! We saw the mot chick-like chick flick we could find, which was lots and lots of fun.

Then we walked over to the Atomium. Those are some really big shiny balls!

Anyway, it was a fantastic day and it helped me out of the pit a bit...what a relief!

I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER

2009-04-28T00:58:00.001-07:00

MYSELF

pls give me a job, Antwerpen

2009-04-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

i need a job. srsly. i srsly need a job. srsly.

My birthday in Ghent

2009-04-18T11:55:00.001-07:00

check out the fun at:

http://wanderingowl.blogspot.com/

My Job Interview From Hell

2009-04-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

Read 'bout it at:

http://wanderingowl.blogspot.com

Wandering Owl

2009-03-26T01:31:00.000-07:00

Hello friends. I just wanted to let you know that i've returned to the wonderful world of journalism and editorial work. I thought it would be a good idea to set up a 'more serious' blog where I could more eloquently express my writing style. The blog will also be used as an example for magazine editors to read to get a feel for my how I word things. This is the sort of work I have done in the past, and work that I look forward to continuing now that I'm here in Antwerp.

I'll mainly be discussing the views of the expatriate as well as places, people and things that I encounter in my daily life here in Belgium - through the eyes of an somewhat insane American.

wanderingowl.blogspot.com

2001: A Space Odyssey

2009-03-23T04:15:00.000-07:00

I have to be honest; i don't get it. I don't really think you're supposed to get it, though. The problem is, I just can't let it die, and something in me really wants to find some meaning in it for myself.

The thing is, this film is seriously amazing. srsly. The first part of the film 'the dawn of man' sort of disturbs me, but mostly just because I hate monkeys. Ok, that was a bit strong, i "dislike" monkeys a great deal. To be honest, they freak me out. That part when the man-ape is bashing that skeleton around is disturbing, though I do have brains enough to understand that the point of this sequence is to portray 1) tools, and 2) the monolith.

Mankind improved upon his little crappy ape-man bone-tool and moved on to bigger and better things like the microwave oven (aka the cancer machine), the camera (aka soul-stealer) and computers (aka...oh gawd). Ummm...am I the only one who's had nightmares about the HAL 9000?

So the story goes that the HAL 9000 takes Dave (who is quite a looker!) and that one guy 'I can't remember his name', and those other guys who are in a Matthias-like hibernation in their creepy pods to Jupiter to explore the birth-place of the monolith that showed up on earth during the dawn of man, and was found buried on the moon 4 million years. Of course only HAL the satanic computer knows this, and as soon as he begins to show his amiss-ness, Dave and what's his face make plans to unplug him. Well, OBVIOUSLY the darned computer can read lips and goes on to kill what's his face and the pod hibernators. He tries to kill Dave, but the dimple in his chin proves invincible and he unplugs HAL.

Next thing you know, there's Dave in his mini-pod flying toward Jupiter 'and the infinite' and getting sucked into the rainbow/tron worm whole. Poor guy, those stills of his face as he's flying through are both unflattering and really scary! Then BAM, he's in some infinite space villa walking around, then watching himself at a desk, then watching himself in a bed, then watching himself turn into, what? a Fetus? I'm sorry, but you can't tell me there's no meaning here. It's a FETUS! It must represent the rebirth of something, but what?

A new earth? is Dr. Dave and Stanley Kubrick in cahoots with Eckhart Tolle and Oprah?

There's been so much speculation on the hidden meanings of this film, I just don't even know where to begin. All I know is that I don't know all of the things that I really want to know...which annoys me.

The last few nights, I've seen some amazing films on the TCM or TMC channel or whatever it's called. on Friday night it was 'Coma' and 'Westworld' - two AMAZING movies. last night it was Space odyssey, and tonight it's 'Soylent Green'. They, like 2001, are cautionary tales that will caution us all individually about something. What you take away from these cautionary tales is personal...but for me, as long as it makes you think and there's robots involved, I'm a happy girl.

spring fever

2009-03-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

there's this strange thing that happens to me every year around his time. i get spring fever...big time. i start feeling this gut need for sunlight, and i daydream about planting enormous gardens. i begin to crave summer fruits and vegetables...and strangest of all, i have this uncommon urge to sniff cucumbers.

my taste in music changes too. fall and winter are a very electronic time for me musically, but in spring and summer i'm all over the more organic sounds of the grateful dead, jai uttal and the like.

i also noticed a strange "time" thing with myself. the last few days i've been waking up much earlier, going to bed much earlier and thinking it was later during the day when it happened to be earlier. it all seemed to make sense when my mother told me the time changes back home today. it doesn't change here in belgium until the 29th.

basically, what i'm trying to say is that even after living here for more than 8 months, my clock is still on the west coast, after all, spring is still a LONG way off here. it's still unbelievably cold, windy and gray. my head is in winter, but my body is completely in spring.

i'm dying for a tomato warm off the vine...and for a backyard BBQ with friends and a good, cold bottle of white wine.

creature feature

2009-03-02T23:52:00.000-08:00

let me give a short explanation of why i don't like being featured on youtube. but let me FIRST say, that this is hard topic for me to conquer. my feelings get a bit jumbled up in my head and i have a hard time putting them in order.

here's the deal. i make youtube videos. why do i make youtube videos? (and, trust me, i ask myself this question quite often now). in the very beginning of my relationship with youtube, i made them because i had things to say (yes, say). to be honest, i was tired of talking to friends and family about the things i was annoyed about and i wanted, i needed, to just talk. youtube was great for this because in the beginning i got some really cool comments that made me laugh. one favorite in particular was a video i made about how much i hate annoying waiters at the cheesecake factory who ask you if you need something every three minutes. i got a nasty comment from a waitress at the cheesecake factory; that was awesome. then i started singing with my ukulele, which was fantastically fun - and by this time i had gotten to know some wonderful people who i've come to think of as true homies (because they are). and also, i've gotten really good feedback and constructive criticism on my music; i appreciate that. so that's why i make the videos.

having said all that, i really like to stay under the radar. this doesn't mean that i don't appreciate new subscribers; some of them are awesome and i love watching their videos too. sometimes it's just a number, though, and i hate that. there is something so grody about ending up one of those youtube celebutants; it's a real turn off.

the reason i stay with dear old youtube at this point is to feed off of the gang...these people really make me BETTER at what i do. they are great sources of inspiration, and people i truly care about. i have become so much better artistically with them than i would have without them, and they continue to be supreme muses for my strumming and words. that's why i stay.

so, today i woke up and checked my email to find that the side by side video has been featured in germany (why are they always featured in germany first?). and i did a gag noise and sighed a great big sigh. the thing is, i'm really proud of this song steven and i made - and i don't want it to be exploited. i also don't like those stupid, thoughtless comments people make for some unknown reason. and, i guess i've got thin skin and i do get my feelings hurt easily - and i don't really necessarily like inviting myself to that negatory party - however, i don't want to uninvite myself to the parts that matter. it really is a catch 22 isn't it?

i'm thinking of going through all of my subscribers and subscriptions and pairing things down. i don't want to take this "thing" away from myself; but i don't want to sell out either.

side by side

2009-02-27T02:56:00.000-08:00

a collaboration i did with the amazing steven of iamnotthemoon

veronika decides to die

2009-02-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

so last night i finished this book. i don't even know where to begin, and if you haven't read it - i don't want to spoil it.

basically, it's about a young, beautiful girl who has such a fear of losing control - whether it be by aging, taking risks or falling love and giving herself completely, sexually or otherwise. she decides to commit suicide so that she can control even her death. unfortunately her suicide doesn't work and she wakes up in a mental institution where she is told by a doctor that her attempt has so weakened her heart that she has only one week to live at most.

with this information in mind, and with the help of a few other insane people, she manages to give up control and really to lose her "mind" only to discover the freedom of letting go. she falls in love with a schizophrenic who is not really mad after all and finally escaped with him...

i'd feel terrible to give the rest away; but you should all read the book. apparently there's a film based on the book - but i hate seeing films based on books because they're always so disappointing.

the question i have for myself is, what i would do if i thought i only had days to live? would the things and decisions and control that i impose upon myself seem so important if i knew that i was about to die? i used to be a very uncontrolled, and according to my parents, an uncontrollable person. as an "adult" (and i use that word loosely) i have imposed more strict guidelines on myself which i always thought was a good thing, fortunately, i'm not planning on dying today or any day soon (even though simon had a nightmare last night that i died) - but if i knew i were going to - what would i do? what would i do differently? what wouldn't i do?

read the book.

My favorite belgian brew (so far)

2009-02-04T06:50:00.000-08:00

So...here's my cradling a bottle of my new favorite beer. I guess that living here, it's really impossible to escape beer snobbery; I'm ok with that! Grimbergen is great! I first had it right before Christmas when I was out with Megan. From the first sip it was really the yummiest beer I've ever had.

I remember back several years having my first De Koninck; I really thought it was the best beer ever. Then, a few years later we were here visiting and the De Koninck tasted different..tons sweeter, almost cotton candy-ish. This put me off of the DK, and I've been looking for a replacement ever since.

To be fair, I do (like most girls here, I'm told) like the Hoegarden; it has a yummy herby taste that I like. I also like Leffe...but they just don't do it for me like the Grimbergen. The blonde has a really apple-y, refreshing thing happening, and the dubbel is warm and tasty and feels like a warm fire on a cold night in your belly.

I don't know much about beer, in general. I can't tell you about how "full-bodied" it is, or how good of a "head" it has. I can tell you what I like and why...and I like this beer. Go out and try to find it and throw a few back!

antwerp on a budget

2009-02-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up to snow...which felt really nice. After a while of staring out the window at the snow coming down I began to feel antsy and needed to get out. However, I'll be the first to admit that I'm scared of the outside world. After a little contemplation (and a lot of persuasion by Roel who I think wanted me out of the house;-) I put my hat and sturdy boots on and got out. I slipped and slided my way to the tram and made my 15 minute ride into the center. While I rode I texted my friend Sule who at that hour was sitting in Flemish school where I should have been but dropped out (did i mention that?) Yeah, I dropped out of language class. Why? Well, simply because a) I'm sick of sitting in class, and b) I'm at the point where I just need to speak speak speak....and learn by speaking.

So anyway, I got off the tram and went to the fnac. I found a book by Paolo Coelho and bought it. It cost 7.95...a bargain, really.

All of a sudden my phone rang and it was dear Sule who had just gotten out of class. (btw, Sule is a rad girl form Turkey). We met and walked to de Muze - the best cafe in Antwerp in my opinion - and had a cup of coffee while she lectured me on why I shouldn't have dropped out of class. The great thing about talking with Sule is that she can't speak English and I obviously can't speak Turkish, so we're forced to speak Flemish. Our conversations are always an adventure...and probably hilarious if you had happened to be an innocent bystander overhearing us in the cafe. After coffee, which was free because she paid, we trudged through the slush to my favorite shop, o-zone, where they sell these awesome hippie, plant dyed clothes. We sloshed around the cathedral and yelled 'bonjourno' back at those annoying italian restaurant dudes. Then we went to a Turkish restaurant and ate some yummy stuff which only cost a few euros.

We trammed back to Mortsel and I walked home. By this time my boots were soaked through and I was a gross mess...but I feel good and I'm so glad I got out of the house today. It felt good to be brave, and independent. It felt really good to exercise my Flemish. It felt really good to be out and about and spend less than 10 euros eating, drinking and book-buying.

I guess now I've got to go get a job...any ideas?

its weekend

2009-01-31T02:49:00.001-08:00

and its really cold here. I think it's -4c. or something today in Antwerp. Anyway, just a quick note to wish you a nice, warm weekend...and some songs to the right to keep you toasty and creative wherever you are.

Despite the cold, I'm feeling the urge to leave my cave. ;-)

ps: if you haven't yet discovered the genius-ness that is the band 'BEIRUT', I highly recommend you check them out. They're my current favorite; I can't get enough of 'a sunday smile'. ok, i'll try to stop talking about music now...

moon moods etc. and such inc. and co.

2009-01-27T01:11:00.000-08:00

I feel strange today. Actually, I feel that thing that I feel right before I have a creativity explosion. It's something between feeling a bit aggravated, antsy and borderline crazy. The only thing that calms it is to hash it all out - to write write write, and strum strum strum, and write write write and sing sing sing. It's the only way to quiet the beast.

I always wonder if other creatives feel this "thing". I assume they do; I wonder what causes it.

which brings me to another (only very slightly) ADD moment: I've been tracking the correlation between the moon cycles and my moods...very interesting! At the moment, here in Belgium there is no visible moon - I think it's something like 0, 01% full. And here I am feel wildly, explosively creative! I wonder how I'll feel when the moon is full.

oh...and i also have the insatiable appetite to listen to sebastien tellier...go figure!

back to the future

2009-01-21T01:35:00.000-08:00

I guess I'll start with now and work my way into the past several weeks. There are so many things I want to show you and tell you about!

First and foremost, let me tell you about my new obsession, knitting. While I was in Cali. my Mom finally taught me how, and ever since then I've been a knitting machine! It's very soothing and gives me something to do on these chilly - ok, bitter and freezing - days and nights. Above is photograph of a scarf I made in a pattern called 'little shells'. This is a wonderful activity that lets me express my love and friendship; I get to make cozy things for all the folks I care about.

It was quite a shock when we returned to Belgium from California where the weather was only chilly, yet sunny. Antwerp was covered in a cold, white blanket! The trees were white with ice and snow. Even though it was frigid, it was really beautiful. So there you see my little family complete with handsome husband and fabulous boys, and a snowy street here in Mortsel.

And this is the beach we love, that we were so sad to lave behind!

One of the greatest lessons I've recently learned is how easy it is to take our home towns for granted. I grew up in a part of California that is magical; rich with produce, majestic landscapes and super-friendly people. I've spent so much of my life so eager to get out of the valley, that I never took the time to just appreciate the place I grew up in.

I appreciate it even more now after yesterday's inauguration of President Obama. Roel and I gathered around the television with the boys and just soaked up every moment of it. I was so excited, I was shaking like a leaf! It feels so good to have hope for they United States again. It feels so good to have a sense of pride again! I must admit that the image of our new President with the Vice President and their wives standing on those steps waving goodbye to Bush as they put him on that helicopter had me clapping and whooping with joy! Wasn't that a gorgeous image? The four of them standing arm in arm, waving goodbye to the past and welcoming a brighter future together with each other, and with us! what a moment! i'll never forget it as long as I live.

Oh, on a side note: while we were in Fresno at my favorite grocery store, Whole Foods, I purchased a fantastic documentary about the central valley called, 'A Land Between Two Rivers'. For local friends and family who read my blog: you should definitely try to find this movie; it's fantastic! The footage, interviews, stories and photographs are really great. http://www.ksee24.com/news/kseesunrise/12658986.html

love to you all! who needs a scarf??!! ;-D

i am so luxurious...

2009-01-13T05:43:00.000-08:00

well...not really, but I am trying to be. Lets face it, I don't take great care of myself like I used to. I used to get massages and go to yoga class; there was even a time that I got weekly ear candling but thats another story. The thing is, this cold climate is wrecking my skin...and then there's the whole thyroid thing. There are a lot of things I should be doing to doing to keep myself really healthy, but lately I haven't been doing anything. But then Roel and I heard that the swimming pool down the street from us has turkish steam baths. It just seemed like the perfect thing to try out, I mean it's inexpensive, it involves steam and it's a great way to take care of yourself (especially in the winter months) So we got on our bikes and went over there, paid our two euros and weaved our way through the pools and past a water aerobics class (they really should pick better music for those classes btw) and into our little two person steam bath cabin. The thing was supposed to be a lovely steam bath infused with eucalyptus oil...well, it only really smelled like chlorine. Despite the reeky chlorine smell, though, the thing was awesome. we just sat in there in the warm, moist yummy air and sweated our brains out. We also got a fabulous view of the water-aerobics class through the glass door (I think the glass is there to ensure that the steam room isn't getting too steamy *cough*) It really was soothing...until out of nowhere water started needling through the ceiling. They really should warn you about the spontaneous shower at the end, and boy am I glad I was looking down.

After the steam bath we decided to try out the whirlpools which are made for one or two people and supposedly infused with essential oils, though I seriously doubt the thing was infused with anything but chlorine. We squeezed our super-tall selves into one together as the water began to pour in. Lets just say that those things should really only be for one person because the bubbling effect from the jets were spouting like volcanos between our oragamied bodies. Every time I tried leaning my head back to relax, water exploded into my face which sort of stole the relaxing effect.

All steamed up and warm, we rode our bikes back home though the freezing rain. I made some beans with cauliflower, potatoes and carrots in tortillas for lunch and threw on some Crystal Castles (C.C. isn't the best post-pampering music, but i've been pheening for them all day). Now my belly is full and I feel like I've done something good for myself. I think Roel and I are going to make it a Tuesday thing. It feels good to be good to myself. Tuesdays are turning out to be a rad day it seems.

i'm back...

2009-01-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

...i think...

happy festivus

2008-12-23T04:11:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to wish you all a happy festivus before I get on the big bird tomorrow and fly to the v-town (my home-town, as it's known by the folks who live there) for the holidays. We'll leave tomorrow and return the 8th. In the meantime, I hope that all of you beloved little creatures have a snuggly warm christmas and new year. you're all in my heart, so I'll carry you with me through my adventures in the next couple of weeks. And I'm sure you know (mariam, yaf, matthias, and ONS) I'll miss our daily word ping-pong and inspirational, artistic, sarcastic, brilliant fun!

And for the Visalia-folks that I'll be seeing in only a day...yeah!! See you soon! Make plenty of egg nog! I'm on my way!

tea and t.v.

2008-12-22T01:45:00.000-08:00

Megan left yesterday morning...and now I'm busy trying to get my house back to normal just in time to mount the big airplane on wednesday. But flying to America isn't what this blog is about. Let me try to get refocused. What this blog is really about it how wonderful it is to have friends here in Belgium with me, but also how difficult it is for me. You see, I'm one of those people who are a slave to my "ways". I have ways of doing thing at certain times of the day; and when those things get screwed up, Callie gets a bit cranky. I also really like having a bit of quiet time to play my ukulele and ponder my ponderings.

In the last two weeks i've been out of the house A LOT! And in most ways it's been fantastic; seeing a million stores I'd have never otherwise noticed, trying new foods and beers (Grimbergen is my current favorite), and Megan and I have had lots of time to chat and laugh. But lets not forget that I like to be at home with the doors closed and the curtains drawn, the radio on and a cup of tea and me curled up like a cat on the sofa with my cat...that's my idea of really close to perfect.

So as bitter as it was taking Meg to the station yesterday, in some ways It's also sweet because I can get back into my rhythm for a couple days before I descend back into the central valley of Cali. to indulge in egg nog and pie. These little experiences teach me so much about myself. I have really discovered how possessive I am of certain little things that are precious to me such as my favorite cup, my kitchen, the way I fold clothes.

These precious little things and moments I believe, just maybe, are a bit more precious to me than they might be to the ordinary person. Cups, books, sweatered owls, m&m's, quiet time, certain TV programs and films, radio stations and records...these things are all so special to me. I'm selfish about my precious "things", and though it might be a personality flaw, I appreciate how much these things mean to me. I appreciate my nostalgia and adoration.

I just boiled water and went to get my favorite tea out of the cupboard only to realize that a certain best friend of mine has managed to drink it all! pfft...!

good times...

2008-12-19T07:13:00.000-08:00

i've seen more of antwerp in the last few days then i've seen in the last several years. megan and i have left no stone unturned. we've gone into every single shop we've passed by...and not surprisingly, we've found some amazing things...take for instance stew and timmy (which i'd like to show you, but then i'd be ruining my mother's birthday gift).

we've also had some strange (extremely strange) experiences since both meg and i have the tendency to wave our freak flags. the other day we were strolling through a botanical garden when all of a sudden some crazy man wearing an orange blanket ran up to us and started telling us all of these strange random things including "yes, just like the old flemish saying 'it's like 4 hands on one belly'!!!" and "yes, i was born in 1966". i honestly have no clue what he was talking about, but meg and i somehow got through to him that no, we weren't going back to his house with him (actually, to be honest, it was ME who somehow politely explained to him that we couldn't go with him; it was MEGAN who was hiding in the fancy glass sculpture store while i did all the talking.

we also managed to reinforce the european stereotype that american girls are silly and out of control since most of the time we've been wandering the streets laughing hysterically and pretty much embarrasing ourselves.

me and meg...

2008-12-16T11:42:00.000-08:00

...on the train to brugge...

today...

2008-12-15T03:31:00.000-08:00

i fell down the stairs and hurt both my arms...and i have to leave for class in a minute so i can't watch yaffle videos to make me feel better:-(