Monday, June 21, 2010

the bad part

First, i'd like to apologize for the font of bloggery. I guess I've just got more to say than usual.
Both yesterday and today have been 'goodbye' days. I hate these days.
When Roel and I chose for each other, we chose a life of hellos and goodbyes. We have, in the past ten years of our relationship, been in a constant state of transit. I know full-well that we will always be in this state. Transit just comes along with the territory of being in an international marriage, but that sure doesn't make it any easier.
I don't mind the going back and forth; I quite like living on two continents, but my heart breaks for the family members we're always leaving behind. I hurt for the time they sacrifice watching the boys growing up. I ache for the milestones they've missed - that they will miss. It makes me very sad that because of our choice of partner, some members of our family are always being left in the dust. I know the grandmothers especially suffer. And the boys suffer. Today when their Grandparents brought them home from an overnight excursion, Jonas busted into tears at having to, once again, say goodbye. He knows he will see them soon, but still...
I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Though I may wax poetic about my wonderful transcontinental life - there is a major downside. Saying goodbye to people we love on a regular basis takes its toll. We love our family. I love my mother and father-in law. They are earth-bound angels. We don't speak the same language, but we have an understanding that surpasses that. We have love in common.
Saying goodbye to people is hard. Saying goodbye to places is hard. Antwerp is my home. It as just as much my home as California. No matter where I am, half of me is always somewhere else, and as hard as it is - as hard as these goodbyes are - my life is so beautiful.

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