here's the deal. i make youtube videos. why do i make youtube videos? (and, trust me, i ask myself this question quite often now). in the very beginning of my relationship with youtube, i made them because i had things to say (yes, say). to be honest, i was tired of talking to friends and family about the things i was annoyed about and i wanted, i needed, to just talk. youtube was great for this because in the beginning i got some really cool comments that made me laugh. one favorite in particular was a video i made about how much i hate annoying waiters at the cheesecake factory who ask you if you need something every three minutes. i got a nasty comment from a waitress at the cheesecake factory; that was awesome. then i started singing with my ukulele, which was fantastically fun - and by this time i had gotten to know some wonderful people who i've come to think of as true homies (because they are). and also, i've gotten really good feedback and constructive criticism on my music; i appreciate that. so that's why i make the videos.
having said all that, i really like to stay under the radar. this doesn't mean that i don't appreciate new subscribers; some of them are awesome and i love watching their videos too. sometimes it's just a number, though, and i hate that. there is something so grody about ending up one of those youtube celebutants; it's a real turn off.
the reason i stay with dear old youtube at this point is to feed off of the gang...these people really make me BETTER at what i do. they are great sources of inspiration, and people i truly care about. i have become so much better artistically with them than i would have without them, and they continue to be supreme muses for my strumming and words. that's why i stay.
so, today i woke up and checked my email to find that the side by side video has been featured in germany (why are they always featured in germany first?). and i did a gag noise and sighed a great big sigh. the thing is, i'm really proud of this song steven and i made - and i don't want it to be exploited. i also don't like those stupid, thoughtless comments people make for some unknown reason. and, i guess i've got thin skin and i do get my feelings hurt easily - and i don't really necessarily like inviting myself to that negatory party - however, i don't want to uninvite myself to the parts that matter. it really is a catch 22 isn't it?
i'm thinking of going through all of my subscribers and subscriptions and pairing things down. i don't want to take this "thing" away from myself; but i don't want to sell out either.