Monday, March 2, 2009

creature feature

let me give a short explanation of why i don't like being featured on youtube.  but let me FIRST say, that this is  hard topic for me to conquer. my feelings get a bit jumbled up in my head and i have a hard time putting them in order. 

here's the deal.  i make youtube videos.  why do i make youtube videos?  (and, trust me, i ask myself this question quite often now).  in the very beginning of my relationship with youtube, i made them because i had things to say (yes, say).  to be honest, i was tired of talking to friends and family about the things i was annoyed about and i wanted, i needed, to just talk.  youtube was great for this because in the beginning i got some really cool comments that made me laugh.  one favorite in particular was a video i made about how much i hate annoying waiters at the cheesecake factory who ask you if you need something every three minutes.  i got a nasty comment from a waitress at the cheesecake factory; that was awesome.  then i started singing with my ukulele, which was fantastically fun - and by this time i had gotten to know some wonderful people who i've come to think of as true homies (because they are).   and also, i've gotten really good feedback and constructive criticism on my music; i appreciate that.  so that's why i make the videos.

having said all that, i really like to stay under the radar.  this doesn't mean that i don't appreciate new subscribers; some of them are awesome and i love watching their videos too.  sometimes it's just a number, though, and i hate that.  there is something so grody about ending up one of those youtube celebutants; it's a real turn off.

the reason i stay with dear old youtube at this point is to feed off of the gang...these people really make me BETTER at what i do.  they are great sources of inspiration, and people i truly care about.  i have become so much better artistically with them than i would have without them, and they continue to be supreme muses for my strumming and words.  that's why i stay.  

so, today i woke up and checked my email to find that the side by side video has been featured in germany (why are they always featured in germany first?).  and i did a gag noise and sighed a great big sigh.  the thing is, i'm really proud of this song steven and i made - and i don't want it to be exploited.  i also don't like those stupid, thoughtless comments people make for some unknown reason.  and, i guess i've got thin skin and i do get my feelings hurt easily - and i don't really necessarily like inviting myself to that negatory party - however, i don't want to uninvite myself to the parts that matter. it really is a catch 22 isn't it?

i'm thinking of going through all of my subscribers and subscriptions and pairing things down.  i don't want to take this "thing" away from myself; but i don't want to sell out either.  


billilovesmargot said...

i say do what you need to ensure you stay around. i would hate you not being around.

and about the negative comments... they're seriously all from pre-teens... no need to pay any mind to them as they're just looking to take their own self esteem issues out on others. misery loves company, don't get into bed with them.

smile, for you are alive and beautiful and there are those of us who think you are wonderful.

yaffle said...

it is odd to have your stuff published on a wider scale than you intended, it can change how you think about what it is that you do, but that way of thinking is a spiral staircase leading into the basement of despair. or something. I don't know, bleh. you know what you're doing. you do!

Andrew said...

omg wtf why is this blog featured? blogger is featuring nothing but totes crap this days.


You can get around being featured if you want, just make the video private until it's off the front page. But really it's your own fault. If you just stopped making such good videos nobody would feature them! (please don't stop.)

Some people look like numbers but aren't, they're just shy and don't comment. I thought about paring down my subs but I realized everyone should have the opportunity to watch excellent videos =P But really, think of all the glory you'd be depriving them of!

our national space said...

i do feel like you guys are real friends

Somebodyiusedtoknow said...

I can definitely relate :-)