Thursday, February 19, 2009

veronika decides to die

so last night i finished this book.  i don't even know where to begin, and if you haven't read it - i don't want to spoil it.

basically, it's about a young, beautiful girl who has such a fear of losing control - whether it be by aging, taking risks or falling love and giving herself completely, sexually or otherwise.  she decides to commit suicide so that she can control even her death.  unfortunately her suicide doesn't work and she wakes up in a mental institution where she is told by a doctor that her attempt has so weakened her heart that she has only one week to live at most.  

with this information in mind, and with the help of a few other insane people, she manages to give up control and really to lose her "mind" only to discover the freedom of letting go.  she falls in love with a schizophrenic who is not really mad after all and finally escaped with him...

i'd feel terrible to give the rest away; but you should all read the book.  apparently there's a film based on the book - but i hate seeing films based on books because they're always so disappointing.

the question i have for myself is, what i would do if i thought i only had days to live?  would the things and decisions and control that i impose upon myself seem so important if i knew that i was about to die?  i used to be a very uncontrolled, and according to my parents, an uncontrollable person.  as an "adult" (and i use that word loosely) i have imposed more strict guidelines on myself which i always thought was a good thing,  fortunately, i'm not planning on dying today or any day soon (even though simon had a nightmare last night that i died) - but if i knew i were going to - what would i do?  what would i do differently?  what wouldn't i do? 

read the book.


yaffle said...

I've thought about this too, but I always think (pathetically) that I would be exactly the same even if I knew I was not long for this world. probably not true, but blergh.

Somebodyiusedtoknow said...

I have fantasized about or imagined death for many different reasons for most of my life. Whether it sprang from my teenage depression or the shocking reality of mortality after I was shot. The truth is that I have already faced a situation where I was told (and my family was told) I was probably not going to make it. The unfortunate thing was that I was too sick to live out any "death" fantasy I had preplanned. But if someone told me I was going to die again, I think I would martyr myself for a good cause if I could. I would somehow try to make someone else's life better in my remaining time. And if Bush was still in office maybe I would try to suicide bomb him. Who knows, the possibilities are endless. Oh, and also, I would eat whatever the hell I wanted ♥

I was sleepy when I wrote this. I hope I don't sound crazy.