Today is Simon's sixth birthday. Simon is my youngest child, and boy did we get lucky with this one! Simon is intelligent, sensitive and hilarious. It amazes me how he communicates, especially with animals. He seems to understand how they think and feel, and I am always amazed by him. I feel very lucky to be his Mother, but like many mothers, I always worry about the parenting choices I'm making, how I'm disciplining him (or the lack thereof) and if I'm spending enough time with him, even if I'm spending too much time with him! I know there will be things I do in raising my children that are right, and things that I'll do that are wrong, but the thing that matters most is how I love them, and my! how I love them!
I don't think I'm very vocal to friends just how much my boys mean to me. I don't speak about them much, maybe that's because they're something so sacred to me...it's hard to explain.
On these important days and milestones, I have a tendency to take more time to evaluate my life, and what's happening in it. This morning as I was carrying laundry downstairs, I had a sort of realization: I have always been a "follower" more than a "leader". I have relied on my wonderful, beautiful family and friends to light my paths for me. I have relied on my Mother and Sister for wisdom with regards to faith. I have spent hours and hours talking to Megan about the importance of education, and I've learned from her that you can be well educated and a free spirit at the same time. I've learned from Jalene that you don't have to live the way the rest of the world lives to be happy, and that home truly is where your heart is (and that's coming from a girl who lived and gave birth in a structure with no walls!). I've learned from Ruthie that you can evolve and grow and still be yourself. I've learned from Geoff that humor is always the best medicine.
I have really relied on my friends and family to shape my life. And now I find myself in a foreign country without my people, the ones who really, REALLY know me. Now, I'm going to have to find my own way. I'm going to have to discover my own ideas, thoughts and ideals. I'm going to have to take better care of myself, water the seeds I've been given, and go on finding more for myself. This, in and of itself sounds very romantic, but let me assure you, I am scared! There are moments when I want to run to my friends and family and have a good cry in their arms (and I'm comforted by the fact that Ru would cry with me).
I know, though, that this time is a gift. Maybe for the first time in my life, I am forced to face the reality of my past, and grow from all of the joy and pain I've experienced. And I will also have to forge ahead and make better choices for my future.
I've noticed that since my Daddy died a couple of years ago, my grey hairs have been multiplying. I noticed that since I arrived here they've quadrupled, and now I've got the beginning of a silver streak in the middle of my head. In the past, I would have covered these greys, because I feel that I'm too young to have them. But now, as I make my own choices for the future, I have made a solid decision to let them grow. I will wear my silver seal as a badge of my experiences, and I will grow new silver for the future. Hopefully in the years ahead, I will have the beautiful, snowy white hair my Daddy had, even if I am still in my 30s when I get there.
Life is beautiful. I have a wonderful husband and two fantastic children. I have a Mom and Sister who love me, and I have the best group of friends anyone could ask for. Even though you're all very far away, you're in my heart and thoughts every day. And to my new friends and the ones I have yet to make, I'm sure we've got lots of beautiful things to learn from each other. Cheers!